May.26.2009 Gilette tells you how to shave your pubes
I’d like to point out that this isn’t an ad because it certainly seems like it would be. But no, this ad by Gilette instructing you how to shave a man’s pubes (i.e. shave your own if you’re a man, not walk up to some stranger and do it for him) just struck me as a bit weird.
The things that stand out the most to me is that A) Gilette apparently thinks that I need to make my penis look larger and B) The joy coming off this cartoon man’s face when he shaves his crotch is unparalleled. I’m not ashamed to admit I keep things well-groomed in the groinal area. But I’ve never been so overcome with joy as I do it that I need to smile while I’m taking a sharp blade to my crotch. Then again, I don’t often find my penis covered in mosaics too often, so I guess I can’t totally relate to the plight of this blue man.
Anyway, if Gilette wants to pay me in exchange for this awesome plug, please feel free. I’d prefer some sort of monetary payment that doesn’t involve a giant bag of pube shavings with a letter signed “Thanks for the help raising cockshaving awareness. Here’s the fruits of your labor. Love, Steve Gilette.”
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May.22.2009 The rockingest local furniture around
It’s hard to get attention in a crowded ad marketplace. But if you’re going to buy furniture from any elderly man in Indianapolis, well, I think your search got a lot easier.
Granted, I don’t make many videos, but I’m finding there to be a couple gaps in logic here. So Martin is an older gentleman who rocks hard, as evidenced by his guitar and long rocker hair. I’m with that. But what’s with the ghost who appears at the end next to him, on the left? Did he murder that woman? Is this part of his rocker lifestyle? Because I’m not sure I can support that. Or maybe he makes his furniture from human bones and flesh, like the family in Texas Chainsaw Massacre. All I’m saying is that maybe this was an honest mistake…or maybe it was the most honest ad of all.
I’m dipping out early for the holiday so that’s all you get. I hope you have a happy Memorial Day, unless you’re planning on desecrating an army man’s corpse in which case, man, you are seriously missing the point of this holiday. See you guys on Tuesdayyyyy.
[via]
May.21.2009 I love you, Relaxed Hitler
Apparently people are in an uproar over this ad for Turkish tea brand Rasayana featuring a Hitler who’s much more relaxed than you would have thought he’d be given all the yelling and mustache-wearing. Oh and Jewish genociding. That’s a big part of our perception of him too, i’d assume.
Now while I can’t say that Adolf Hitler is high on the list of people who are deserving of endorsements, it is a pretty clever ad. And it worked on me. I like Jews, I don’t want to kill them. So maybe I should drink this tea to ensure I don’t just wake up this morning and go, “Ach der lieber” and wind up murdering tens of millions of innocent Jewish people. Would it have happened without the tea? I don’t know. But better to be safe than sorry.
[via]
May.19.2009 Bikini’d harlots invade NYC
I got this sent to me as though this was something legitimate, but it’s just some viral marketing ploy for something (I’m guessing some vacation bullshit). Anyway, whatever, it’s chicks in bikinis and the world is CRAWLING to Memorial Day so here you go!
Now if there’s a viral campaign involved here, make sure not to buy their product because they’re trying to fuck me by getting me to run this for free, knowing my penchant for laziness and desire to avoid research. In fact, if they’re trying to sell vacations, let’s go out of our way to fly dog shit into their vacation spots. That’ll show other people for being able to afford luxurious happiness.
Anyway I don’t think this was a good viral video idea. Did you see that dude in the middle getting so excited? I can’t imagine that a rape breaking out in the middle of your product placement could be a good thing. Unless you’re responsible for the marketing and execution of a media campaign for rape and rape-based initiatives. In which case, you sir, have done a bad job at public relations.
[thanks for the tip, elliott]
May.04.2009 The most honest car salesman ever
I have no clue what the backstory is on this video, but this Ralph Williams guy sounds like a real winner based upon what his salesman is saying about him.
I’m sure that somewhere, some woman was sitting at home scratching her head thinking, “Hmm, I like the idea of cheap car sales and we do need a new Buick, but I’m not sure I support this Ralph Williams raping me and then buying prostitutes with the money I spend. But we do need that Buick…” That’s the thing with compromise. You can’t always get what you want. Unless you’re looking for rape and a Buick. In which case, it would appear that you, sir, have won at life.
Apr.29.2009 Oh. my. god. Look at this toy
Rarely do I see a YouTube video and actually laugh out loud; years of watching countless things has made me jaded, like a porn star seeing ample genitals. But this ad for the toy, Baby Wee Wee, will make you lose your mind.
That is exactly the same thing that happens to me whenever scratches my belly. I just lose control and, within seconds, something splashes someone in the face. It’s like sitting front row at Sea World.
I’m not quite sure how this is a toy. No one gets any joy out of getting a blast to the face. At least, no one I’ve dated. I suppose my diet of spoiled sandwiches and roadkill probably isn’t helping the flavors and consistency much though. Damn toy babies. Always one step ahead, aren’t you?
Apr.16.2009 Bad idea, Cheerios
I eat Honey Nut Cheerios quite often, but I can’t say that I’m a huge believer in Apple Cinnamon Cheerios’ latest cross-promotional coupon. It wants not for outside-the-box thinking, but definitely could have been a bit less, uh, awful.
Not to toot my own horn, but I know deliciousness. For example, once I mixed peanut butter with JELLY of all things and made a delicious snack that millions enjoy to this day. I also saw a hunk of ground beef on the floor and was like, “Yo someone needs to grill that shit, slap some cheese on and put it in between processed bits of wheat” and, the next day, cheeseburgers. Now in the midst of all these crazy concoctions, I never thought that my cereal was delicious, but utterly lacking in one secret ingredient…the blood of a teenage girl my own hair! Maybe we can mix in some hobo hair and light the bowl on fire too! Now we’re on an express train ride to the lush fields of flavor country.
