I remember growing up I would see girls in bikinis in the local deli preening for some beer product. They were just talentless chicks looking for a gig. Well, seems fitting for Jessica Simpson then doesn’t it?
Singer, actress and North Texas native Jessica Simpson will soon be marketing beer, according to an announcement expected today from a local brewing company.
Jessica Simpson has signed on as spokeswoman for Stampede Light Plus, made by Dallas’ Stampede Brewing Co.
Ms. Simpson will serve as a spokeswoman and appear in ads in stores for Stampede Light Plus, which is made by Dallas’ Stampede Brewing Co.
But she won’t be just another pretty face: Ms. Simpson is taking a 15 percent stake in the brewer. Terms of the transaction were not disclosed.
“She’s the face of the brand now,” said Lawrence Schwartz, Stampede’s president and chief executive, who says sales have more than doubled in the past year.
Wow! Stampede AND Stampede Light! That’s a pretty big coup for her career! I guess Natty Light wasn’t looking for a celebrity endorser? A little too high brow for Jessica, I guess.
Seriously is she hard up for cash? Because no joke, I will pay her for sex. Like I don’t expect her to jump at the offer, but think about it. I have a lot of green M&Ms just sitting around with nowhere to go. Just saying. Think about it.
I just came across this first image on Buzzfeed of an onion about to get a rectal exam at the airport from a pickle and thought, “Holy shit, this is the most amazing thing I’ve ever seen (and eerily similar to all of my fantasies).” Then, after some more digging, I found a few more. Apparently, these are ads Burger King launched in Europe (though this first one may be in the US…I’m not sure).
The campaign is something called “Veg City” and includes the brutal murder of tomatoes, drunken debauchery on New Years, pickles buying sex from fat potatoes (shamefully…I’ve been there man), and the attempted assassination of some onion dictator. Needless to say, I’d like to know more about the lives of these vegetables yet I have no desire to ever put any of them in my mouth for any reason. So I’m not sure if Burger King accomplished their advertising goals. Check the images, via Brutalissimo, out below…
I don’t know what kind of marketing Honda is trying to pull with its “Crave Reader” but implying that I eat puppies is a BIT of a stretch.
Granted, I’m sure we’ve all seen a poodle on the street some time and gone “Mmmmmm looks yummy” but I don’t know how pointing out that embarrassing year of my life is going to put me into a Honda Element. I guess that’s the new trend in advertising…making the consumer cry :’(.
Via Buzzfeed comes today’s awesomeness, a new Breyer’s campaign that leaves me a little perplexed.
All I can say is that I hope that Breyer’s was able to execute this campaign without going over budget. The last time someone had me posed like that when I was a child, it took a shitload of Ninja Turtles toys and one hell of a VW van. Only difference is that I was the popsicle in that situation :-(.
After watching its bigger rival McDonald’s Corp. try to woo mom, Burger King Corp. is launching a new marketing and promotional campaign Monday meant to grab her attention.
“A large part of our customer base is parents with children,” said Russ Klein, president of global strategy, marketing and innovation. “As a parent, the challenge is always trying to get the kinds of things you want to but have some dimension of fun.”
The centerpiece of the effort, Klein said, is a new kids meal featuring a four-ounce serving of Kraft macaroni and cheese, lowfat milk and the company’s “Fresh Apple Fries”, which are uncooked apple slices shaped like french fries and served with low-fat caramel dipping sauce. The meal will go on sale Monday for $3.49 and will be a permanent fixture on Burger King’s menu.
The launch will be followed by an in-restaurant merchandising and television ad campaign, with the first commercial airing July 7. That spot will introduce “Little King” meant to be the masked king’s young son.
*shudder. The Burger King campaign has toed the line between creepy and creative for a while now. Never has a singular character so completely horrified me yet made me want a hamburger. Other than Al Roker.
But of course, the King has an innate ability of terrifying the masses that makes the notion of him siring a spawn seem tame. So to celebrate his newfound fatherhood, let’s take a look at the top 5 creepiest moments of the Burger King.
Number 5: Two forces of evil collide
There is no name more feared by football fans across the country than Drew Rosenhaus. While always claiming to fight for his players, Rosenhaus is cutthroat, aggressive, and kind of evil. So what can soften his image a bit? Having him represent the King in negotiations.
Look at him there…soulless, stoic gaze. Not a hint of a soul. How can he walk among us? And then there’s the King standing next to him. Ho ho ho when it comes to an obvious set-up and punchline, I am the King.
Number 4: Where is your God now?
The simplest item on the list but probably the most poignant and chilling.
I have a fairly iron will, but if I woke up in my bed with the King laying next to me, staring at me, I don’t care if he’s wielding a sandwich. I’m running for my life. I’m also probably wondering what the viscous liquid running down the back of my pants is, but there’s really no time for questions.
Number 3: He can run too
I’d like to think I can at least get away from the Burger King if he ever wanted to come after me. Not likely, if this video holds to form.
Traditional monsters of film tend to be slow and plodding. Zombies, Jason, Freddy Krueger…not really speedsters. But the King appears to be running a 4.3 40 and has amazing field vision. Needless to say, if the King wants to catch you, you’re going to end up caught. And with a face full of meat. Which kind of meat depends on how lucky you are that day, I suppose.
Number 2: The King is giant
A tie-in with an ape-based epic gave birth to this horrific vision. No, not a tie-in with Dunston Checks In unfortunately…rather, A Kong-sized King.
Sure, at first it’s all burgers on fingertips and Rockette-styled kicking. But it’s not all fun and free artery-cloggings. Eventually the King is going to wonder why your relationship hasn’t “escalated”. And I’d be damned if I were the one coming face-to-face with what’s under a 70-foot tall King’s spandex.
Number 1: A sexy dance for you perhaps?
England is kind of awesome when it comes to their programming. Less restrictions means more room for creativity. Unfortunately, that allowed the geniuses at Burger King’s UK advertising agency to craft this horrific idea.
I can imagine nothing that would make me swear off the sexual services industry faster than having the King appear before me at a peep show, then shoving meat into my face. On the plus side, he’s about as nimble as I’d expect a man in a tunic to be. So that’s pretty cool.
