Oct.23.2008 Lindsay Lohan is making more friends by showing her vagina
Lindsay Lohan was guest starring on Ugly Betty but, unfortunately for her, Ugly Betty has decided that she’s a bit of a problem causer. And also doesn’t approve of Lindsay not wearing underwear.
One episode, titled “Granny Pants,” was about how Lohan, playing Betty’s high school nemesis, would “de-pants” Ferrera. But Ferrera exacts her revenge and pulls down Lohan’s pants instead. “Lindsay wasn’t wearing any underwear,” the source said.
But a Lohan pal fumed, “Bull [bleep]! Lindsay wears underwear all the time now. She was wearing a G-string. And it was America’s fault. They were rehearsing the scene and America wasn’t supposed to pull Lindsay’s pants down - but she did. Lindsay was so embarrassed, she started crying.”
The pal blames Ferrera for any issues, saying, “America was mean to Lindsay. Producers give her too much power. Lindsay didn’t do the last two episodes because America didn’t like her and got her kicked off.”
Whoa hold on a minute, a fat ugly girl who finally has a bit of attention and power because of her fluking her fat ass onto a popular TV show is harassing the pretty, troubled girl? No way! I sincerely doubt that Fats Ferrera would be taking out her aggressions for a life of hoagies and disappointment on poor Lindsay.
It’s kind of like when I shit on the floor and blame the dog. You know that it’s probably me making all those problems, but you’d prefer to just blame the dog because the dog’s always starting problems. Only in this case, the dog has big breasts and will fuck anything in sight. Which sounds like the best dog ever, if you ask me.
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Oct.17.2008 Sarah Palin’s going to be on SNL this weekend
Hey comedy fans, are you ready to laugh? I sure hope so because Sarah Palin is set to tickle your funnybone this weekend on SNL.
Republican vice presidential candidate Sarah Palin is set to appear on this week’s broadcast of “Saturday Night Live,” the entertainment show that has featured a popular parody of the Alaska governor by former cast member Tina Fey.
Palin will appear Saturday on the show hosted by actor Josh Brolin, who plays President Bush in director Oliver Stone’s new movie, “W.”
A John McCain campaign spokeswoman, Jill Hazelbaker, on Friday confirmed Palin’s appearance but offered no details about what the Alaska governor will say or do.
Oh man, I bet she’s going to come on and address Tina Fey’s impression. And Tina Fey as Sarah Palin will be all shocked that the real Sarah Palin is there so she’ll be like, Uh oh! And Sarah Palin will make some “funny” comment and then she’ll show that she’s not a total retard even though she is. Should be stirring.
I’d honestly rather watch my parents have sex for an hour straight than have to watch Sarah Palin try to be charming and funny. And I promised myself I’d never do that again. At least without masturbating.
Oct.16.2008 Audrina Patridge’s breasts make more in two weeks than you make in a year
Defamer unearthed the salaries of the Hills starlets and, apparently, they make a fuckload.
Heidi Montag: $65,000 per episode ($1.25 million per year)
Spencer Pratt: $65,000 per episode ($1.25 million per year)
Audrina Patridge: $35,000 per episode ($665,000 annually)
Whitney Port: $20,000 per episode ($380,000 per season)
Brody Jenner: $10,000 per episode ($190,000 a year)
Lauren “Lo” Bosworth: $10,000 per episode ($190,000 for The Hills Season 4)
Stephanie Pratt: $8,000 per episode ($152,000 for The Hills Season 4)
I’d be totally okay with this if $34,999 of Audrina’s paycheck were made out to “Audrina Patridge’s Breasts” and only $1 actually went to the name of Audrina. Because yeah, she’d still be able to cash the checks, but she’d have to remember each time who brought her to the dance. Until her breasts decide to renegotiate their contract and hold out. But then younger, newer breasts will come onto the scene and Audrina’s breasts will end up coming back at a reduced rate out of fear of losing the spotlight. The breasts’ ego is too strong.
Doesn’t it kind of sabotage the “reality” when the girls make that much? They should be living like real early 20s LA girls, blowing older men with money for extravagant gifts and then going back to mediocre, Ikea-decorated apartment in Koreatown. That’s what’s reality TV. And, sadly, that’s what’s reality for most of us. *single tear
Oct.13.2008 Tina Fey is totally screwing over Sarah Palin
Polls are coming out showing that Tina Fey’s portrayal of Sarah Palin may make people view her as even more (or equally as much) of a dumbass as she is.
Comedienne Tina Fey has been blamed for the Republican party’s recent slip in the polls ahead of the U.S. presidential election, after impersonating vice-presidential candidate Sarah Palin on comedy sketch series Saturday Night Live.
According to a recent poll taken by the Washington Times, the “Tina Fey effect” has turned supporters off the Alaskan governor and her running-mate, presidential candidate John McCain.
Political scientist Jerald Podair tells the New York Post: “Presidential impersonators do influence elections, and in this one, Tina Fey is well on her way to ruining Sarah Palin’s political career. In a political culture that takes its cues from popular culture, a good impersonator may be worth a million votes.
“The parodies may have done a bit of damage. People remember Gerald Ford through the prism of Chevy Chase. Ford was among our most athletic presidents, and he had a wide-ranging knowledge of public-policy issues. But because of SNL, many came to think of him as a buffoon.”
But the reviews have yet to effect Palin’s own praise of Fey, with rumours still swirling the politician will make a cameo alongside the comedienne on the show.
Earlier this month, Palin told reporters she would be open to make an appearance, adding: “I love her, she’s a hoot (fun) and she’s so talented. It would be fun to meet her, imitate her and keep on giving her new material.”
I love that they had to clarify what Palin’s little silly white person speak meant for clarity’s sake. Just in case you got confused and thought “hoot” meant “cunt” in Alaska-speak.
Also, I’m not so sure that “giving her new material” is the best idea since the whole point of the impression is to basically present Sarah Palin as an underqualified dumbass. I’m really looking forward to her Tina Fey impression. “I wear glasses and look at me, golly gosh I have TV shows there, gee whiz I sure say a lot of funny things!” Should be a real scream.
Oct.13.2008 The October 13 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with Dangerous Minds
Reminder: Don’t wake up a sleepy black man.
-The USC Song Girls celebrate 40 years of jailbait excellence
-Brandy Dahl is a fine fitness model
-Sophie Monk is see-through
-Best detention slip ever
-Hugh Hefner’s new girlfriends seem nice, twin-like
-Carin Ashley is the hottest girl I’m linking to today
-Thandie Newton is the Hottie-in-Chief
-The most embarrassing walks of shame
-Porn star or celebrity?
-Johnny Knoxville’s gonna rassle
-Make a Hot Girl Laugh: Gay guy v. straight guy (funny video)
-Anna Paquin broke the boobs out on True Blood last night. I was stunned. Aroused. Stunned.
-Meg Ryan looks like the Joker now
-The Best of Entourage’s Ari Gold (w/ video)
Oct.08.2008 The 6 creepiest guys living in a sitcom household
For some reason, sitcom premises have always relied on having a grown man move into another character’s home. It never struck me as odd growing up, but in hindsight, this idea of having these guys move into your home was kind of a bad idea.
Joey Gladstone
Full House
Qualifications: Mediocre impressions, Is Canadian
Joey and Bob Saget’s Danny Tanner character were supposedly blood brothers because Joey said some guy who was picking on Danny had a big butt. When that’s the premise your entire kinship is based on, there are bound to be problems. Plus the fact that Joey is just kind of a creep, as illustrated in this montage:
Granted, the Kokomo theme doesn’t help much.
I totally understand wanting to help your friend who’s basically unemployed (his stand-up act might be the worst thing this side of Yakov Smirnov), but he has the mentality of a child . From his Wiki:
Joey also has a big interest in cartoons, toys, and other things traditionally marketed to children. He can sometimes be seen wearing pajamas and slippers with a character from some children’s show on them.
Joey has several relationships throughout the series, but none of them turn out to be very serious. In the second season, he started dating Cheryl. She appeared in two episodes as his girlfriend.
We were about one season away from a very special episode where Joey bought a van and busted his Bullwinkle impression out at the schoolyard with his genitals playing the part of Rocky the Flying Squirrel.
Balki Bartokomous
Perfect Strangers
Qualifications: Foreign, probably smells like incense or cheese
So Balki was main character Larry’s distant cousin and he just shows up to his door one day. So of course, Larry completely takes that at face value (if it were up to me, the first ten episodes would be us taking DNA tests and going, “Are we sure about this Doc?”) and thinks it’s, at the very least, an acceptable idea for Balki to stay at his home. And introduce his culture to him, as seen in the clip below.
I’m sure Larry thought he was just doing a good thing for a family member but where I come from, when a strange foreigner comes to you with requests, we don’t call giving into their request “a favor”. We call that a Nigerian scam. Larry’s just lucky he didn’t wake up in a bathtub full of ice and all his important organs missing while Balki went out and did blow with a bunch of illicit women.
Will Smith
Fresh Prince of Bel-Air
Qualifications: Colorful hats, Experience with boomboxes
Now I get that Will was Vivian’s nephew and he seemed nice enough when he came to Bel-Air, but in what reality does it seem like a good idea to bring a kid who might have been gangbanging, doing drugs, and, I dunno, breakdancing across the country to live with your well-to-do family. Listen to theme closely:
Right from the get-go, Will seems like a problem. He’s LOITERING around, he’s probably a pathological liar (no one gets in “one little fight” and has their mom go, “FOR THE LOVE OF GOD, GO ACROSS THE COUNTRY, I CAN’T TAKE IT”), and he seems to find trouble wherever he goes (he found the most ‘hood cab in Los Angeles immediately on arrival…those dice are probably a violation of some livery commission ordinance). So yeah, it turned out okay. But the odds were way more in favor of them ending up with a young Pacman Jones than they were of a rose grown in concrete.
Oct.07.2008 The October 7 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with fireworks
Great idea: Sitting on a bucket of live fireworks
-There was an art project to get boobs all over NYC, arguably the greatest art project ever
-A soldier in Iraq saved a puppy and wants to bring it back to the US, only her commanding officers threatened to kill it and throw her in jail. Fucked up story…read it and show support
-Kendra Wilkinson is back to work in a bikini
-10 eerily good performances by kids in movies
-The little girl from The Nanny has grown up and, um, matured. In the boobs
-Go underneath a USC Song Girl’s shirt and see the magic that lies within
-Tourettes = hilarious (w/ video)
-The Tampa Bay Devil Rays have some attractive fans
-9 awesome Web sites you should be using
-That porn star playing Sarah Palin has nude photos. Stunner (NSFW)
-Lindsay Lohan’s lesbian playset (w/ video)
-A grandma does a kegstand (compelling video)
-The Toronto Raptors cheerleaders are purdy
-Karina Smirnoff shows more than she planned
