At a Florida Marlins game this weekend…

You know what makes me sad? Reminders that women aren’t perfect. Oh I know you’d think with their emotional flexibility, logic, and ability to converse about a variety of things that women are totally unflappable. But then you see one without makeup and it’s like “What the fuck, you didn’t tell me you were part gargoyle?” Note to women: Please never do anything wrong and never fail to keep yourself looking like an airbrushed calendar model and we’re all good. Your imperfections remind me of how perfect I am and how I’ll never be able to find anyone who’s my equal. So let’s work on that together. And by together, I mean you, alone, in a room, while I try to sleep with your sister. Not my fault your mom couldn’t get enough of your father’s jizm.

[More hot pedestal-shattering pics at WWTDD]

I’ve always thought randomly shouting things at women on the street in an effort to bed them was a little bizarre. Apparently, catcalling is simultaneously as awful as and less awful than I built it up to be.

As the weather warms each spring, women — especially in cities with active sidewalk traffic — once again face catcalls from men. It’s a situation some find unnerving and an invasion of their space, while others ignore or are even flattered by.

“I call it street abuse,” says New York City filmmaker Maggie Hadleigh-West, 49. “It’s unwanted attention and invasion of space.”

Yeah I agree. If you’re harassing a 49 year-old woman, you may want to take a long, hard look in the mirror. Then again, women are kind of delusional about who is or isn’t hitting on them sometimes. It was probably a guy handing out menopause brochures and she was all like, “HEY BUDDY, I WILL NOT HAVE SEX WITH YOU” and he was like, “Ummm…k!” She was probably really proud of herself that day.

On the other hand, some women appreciate the attention in certain cases, like Jessica, a 31-year-old health-care educator in Los Angeles, who declined to use her last name to protect her privacy. “Yeah, it’s objectifying and all, but you know, if I walked down the street and didn’t have men looking me up and down and catcalling, I’d think, ‘Boy I must really be getting old and dumpy’,” she says.

She’s gotten catcalls just walking her parents’ dog in baggy sweats. “I thought it was hysterical, like, ‘Boy, doesn’t take much to impress you, does it?’”

It’s true. Once you’re 31, you are old and dumpy. However, this really ties into the deep psychological issues inflicted upon women by society. The ills of magazines like Vogue or shows like Sex and the City promote a negative view of women that can make women feel less significant. Or you’re all insecure bitches who constantly need to be told you’re pretty so that you can walk around in life without collapsing on the floor in a pool of tears. Probably the latter.

The site HollaBackNYC.blogspot.com encourages New Yorkers to snap pictures of street harassers and then post them.

Emily May, 27, and six of her friends were inspired to create the site in 2005 after a young New York woman used her camera phone to take a photo of a man who was looking at her while touching himself on the subway. The picture led to his arrest. (Such behavior is, according to New York state law, a misdemeanor offense). The blog has spawned similar sites in other major cities such as Chicago and San Francisco.

The site is a way to encourage dialogue, says May. “I think sites like ours can help women see that they’re not alone, that it happens to women in all walks of life by men in all walks of life, and that it’s not okay.”

It’s time for men to take the power back in the Holla Back infrastructure. Next time you feel compelled to yell something at a woman in an effort to get into her pants, throw a banana at her. She’ll be so confused and the key to bagging hot babes is doing the unexpected. That’s why I like to call rape “Surprise Sex”. Girls love surprises. Makes it sound way more fun, I think.

According to existing studies and her own findings, Kearl says, some men are simply ignorant about how their behavior is perceived. Kearl, who completed her thesis, “Direct Action, Education, Consciousness-Raising, Activism and the Internet: Methods for Combating Street Harassment,” last year, thinks posting on Web sites like HollaBackNYC is preferable to resorting to anger and violence.

“A lot of men have no idea that women don’t like being talked to in this way,” she says. “It never crosses their mind, and yelling doesn’t educate them. If you yell, they often don’t understand why you are upset and so they take it personally.”

If a woman tried to fight be because I said something like, “Hey doll, nice gams!” or something I’d probably just laugh and let her punch me. It’s like letting a kitten swat at you with its little paws. It’s like, “Aww look at the lil kitty! You’re a feisty one aren’t you? Wuzza wuzza.” Though I probably wouldn’t find myself crying later in the night if the kitty refused my sexual advances. Well, not again. Damn sexy cats and your misleading ways.

When you have a beautiful, loving wife like Hillary Clinton, you have to do all you can to defend her honor. Which is why Bill Clinton flipped his shit at a question in West Virginia.

My favorite part? This is a PRO-HILLARY event. Even the people in support of her are just like, “Ugh this bitch has fat ankles and I can’t stands it any longer!” At least I assume that’s what they’re saying. Why else would you not like a woman if not for her physical attributes? Women are nothing more than visual stimulus, to imply they have anything more than that simply points out your ignorance and I will NOT STAND FOR IT, SIR.

Aside: First day of work today so no clue when I’ll be able to post next due to a welcome breakfast, orientation, welcome handjobs, etc. Back when I can!

I don’t know who Woody and Wilcox are but apparently they pissed off quite a few Eskimos at their flagship Alaska station.

The Anchorage DJs, known as Woody and Wilcox, were joking about what makes someone a real Alaskan, when one of them offered a variation on an old saying — offensive to many — that real Alaskans have urinated in the Yukon River and made love to an Alaska Native woman. What the DJ said, however, switched the verbs, making it far more offensive.

Michelle Davis, who is part Tlingit, said she was listening to the show April 9 while stuck in traffic on her way to work when she heard the comment.

“I was horrified,” she said Tuesday. “It was a very ugly image.”

Adding to the anger over the remarks is the fact that Alaska Native women are disproportionately targeted in violent crimes, including rape, said Denise Morris, president of the Alaska Native Justice Center, an Anchorage-based social advocacy organization.

The state has long had the highest sexual assault rate in the nation, and the problem is worst in rural, largely Native areas, according to a recent law enforcement study.

If anything, they should be suspended for making an illogical joke. How can you make love to a river? Because I’ll be damned if I’ve been able to find a way so far.

Anyway since when is it violence against a woman to pee in/on her? I was always taught that that was what love was all about. You want to have a baby, you pee inside a woman, and 9 months later a stork comes by wearing a backwards cap and carrying Vlasic pickles and then he drops off your beautiful Aryan baby. I mean, yeah, it sucks that Alaska apparently has so much problems, but whatever, pee on all the Eskimos you want. Doesn’t affect me in any way. If anything, it may affect my life positively since that’s probably good luck. I don’t see how it couldn’t be.