Apr.23.2008 Celebrity Apprentice to feature 100% more double-murder
OJ Simpson is in the running for the next season of The Celebrity Apprentice. That’s if NBC and Donald Trump are willing to bite the bullet. No, knife. Bite the knife.
IT looks like there could be “killer” ratings in store for TV’s “The Celebrity Apprentice” if OJ Simpson gets his way. Page Six has learned the creepy double-murder acquittee has asked Donald Trump to allow him to appear on the top-rated NBC show next season.
“Simpson really wants to do it. Trump and NBC are thinking about it, but are being very cautious,” our source said. “There’s a certain amount of heat associated with Simpson.”
See, they’re looking at this all the wrong way. Never mind the “heat” associated with OJ. That shit was 13 years ago now. Once something is 13 years old, it’s fair game. Murder accusations, tragedies, girls, it’s the Rule of 13.
If it were my show, I’d play it up. I’d have OJ doing a marketing campaign, complete with a commercial for special guest company Ginsu! Or he’d have to do some sort of business that involved slashing the throats of pigs. Or perhaps a modeling agency focusing solely on white blond models. Really, the possibilities are endless! And if you do the modeling agency one, there’s probably a better than 60% chance that one of them will end up with a black eye and OJ will be standing there with swollen knuckles and an “Aw shucks” look on his face, perhaps looking down and dragging his feet in the dirt. RATINGS!
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Apr.23.2008 Semi Pro grizzly bear kills his trainer
Did you see Semi Pro? Well, you’re not alone in answering “no” to that question. But I did. And I will forever remember Rocky the Bear as making one of the only humorous contributions to the film, as seen in the video below. Anyway, Rocky the Bear just killed a man.
A grizzly bear that appeared in a recent Will Ferrell movie killed a 39-year-old trainer with a bite to his neck Tuesday and had to be subdued with pepper spray.
Three experienced handlers were working with the bear at Randy Miller’s Predators in Action facility when the bear bit 39-year-old Stephan Miller on the neck, said San Bernardino County sheriff’s spokeswoman Cindy Beavers. Stephan Miller is Randy’s cousin, she said.
The center’s staff used pepper spray to subdue and contain the bear and there were no other injuries, she said.
Calls seeking comment from Randy Miller, a stuntman and operator of Predators in Action, were not immediately returned Tuesday evening. Randy Miller doubled for Ferrell in the bear wrestling match, according to the center’s site.
In a February interview, Randy Miller called Rocky “the best working bear in the business,” the San Bernardino Sun reported on its Web site Tuesday.
The Department of Fish and Game will decide the bear’s fate after an investigation, Tiffany Swantek, a spokeswoman for the Big Bear Sheriff’s Station, told the San Bernardino Sun Tuesday.
Decide the bear’s fate? How about you just let his fate be…oh, I don’t know, TO GO BE A FUCKING BEAR IN THE WILDERNESS? Maybe we shouldn’t get mad at a bear when we try to make him into some trained animal when all he wants to do is eat salmon, steal picnic baskets, and scratch his anus on large trees. It’s like when you try to train a woman, then you get surprised when she does things like “vote” and “go shopping”. Sure, you can do all you can, but an animal’s just going to revert to instincts sometimes.
I think people need to speak up and not let this overly powerful Department of Fish and Game take Rocky the Bear from us. He was led on! And hungry! Fuck, I’d maul a trainer if I hadn’t eaten lunch by 2PM. SAVE ROCKY THE BEAR! SAVE ROCKY THE BEAR!
Apr.02.2008 Third grade retards are crafty
Some 3rd graders in special ed classes in Georgia plotted to kill their teacher, but were “thwarted” by school officials. Story of the year? Perhaps.
The students allegedly brought to school a broken steak knife, a roll of duct tape, handcuffs, ribbon and a crystal paperweight in a bid to kill their teacher, Belle Carter, the paper reports.
“We did not hear anybody say they intended to kill her, but could they have accidentally killed her? Absolutely,” Tanner said. “We feel like if they weren’t interrupted, there would have been an attempt. Would they have been successful? We don’t know.”
The children, ages 8 and 9, were apparently mad at the teacher because she had scolded one of them for standing on a chair, Tanner said.
“It’s our understanding that she did in fact discipline one of the students, and they did not like it, he told FOX News. “After that, she began to plot revenge on the teacher.”
Tanner told FOX News not all of the students were in on all the details of the allegedly plot.
“We believe that some of them knew the entire plot and some of them were … just asked to bring other items in but they might not have realized the entire plot,” he said.
That last quote is kind of amazing in every way. Some of them didn’t realize? No way! I find that hard to believe.
A broken steak knife, roll of duct tape, handcuffs, ribbon and a crystal paperweight? Wow, they’re like a troupe of retarded little MacGuyvers. Or maybe they just brought that in for lunch. Who can tell! Retarded kids are so savvy!
Anyway, frankly, if you get outfoxed by a group of retarded third graders, I’m pretty sure you deserve to die. That’s like standing under a cartoon anvil that weighs two tons. Sure, that coyote looked trustworthy and handsome, but you should know better. You really should.
Mar.28.2008 Lindsay Lohan…still an actress!
Lindsay Lohan’s getting her career back on track. Now she’s booked a role in a new movie about the Manson Family. Exciting!
Lindsay Lohan is following up her crazy year by joining a cult—in a new movie role, that is.
E! News has learned exclusively that Lindsay Lohan has signed on to star as Nancy Pitman, once a loyal member of Charles Manson’s not-so-merry band, in the movie Manson Girls.
The film’s producer, Brad Wyman of Junction Films, confirmed the casting coup.
“Yes, I am doing it with Lindsay,” he tells E! News.
…call me crazy, but I feel like many people have given that quote above.
I think it’s cool though that she’s doing an edgy-ish movie that’ll really stretch her acting chops of having big boobs and making concerned faces. In this movie she’ll probably have to have big boobs, make concerned faces, and yell “Yeahhhhh mannn!” a lot. So that’ll be cool.
The movie title is kind of stupid though. Manson Girls sounds like a quirky film about young women bonding with other young women and coming to grips with things. And I guess the film could be about that. But if there’s some faggy pop song playing while Lindsay Lohan and Brittany Murphy come to terms with some shit while hanging with a cute little 10 year-old girl who lisps and Charles Manson kills someone in the background, I’m going to be wayyyy disappointed.
Mar.04.2008 The March 4 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with poles being vaulted
–The Chosen One Allison Stokke is back for the first time, appearing at a Cal-Berkley track meet. [Busted Coverage]
–This is what happens when Michigan coaches fall apart. [Losers with Socks]
–You want to know who Donna Feldman is. Trust me. [Hottest Girls of Myspace]
–The Hells Angels once plotted to kill Mick Jagger? Wha? [Hollywood Rag]
–Christina Ricci wants to do action movies. “It’s about time,” said no one. [ICYDK]
