Jun.18.2008 Selena Gomez will not feud with Miley Cyrus
I didn’t know what a Selena Gomez is five minutes ago, but apparently it’s Spanish for “Saucy Latina Version of Miley Cyrus” (in a colloquial translation). Anyway this girl is saying she’s not feuding with our jailbait slut du jour.
For about the past six weeks, Gomez has been dubbed “the next Miley Cyrus,” with Disney execs hoping to fast-track Gomez into even bigger stardom because they were getting nervous about some of the controversies surrounding the Hannah Montana star.
The 15-year-old Gomez stars in the Disney Channel hit Wizards of Waverly Place.
“It’s a little overwhelming, but I think really, it’s a compliment,” Gomez told me of the Cyrus comparisons. “She’s obviously extremely successful, and I think she’s a wonderful performer…So being compared to her, I was very, very flattered.”
Gomez and Cyrus have even had a good laugh about their so-called feuding. “We’re literally like, It’s fine. It’s all good,” Gomez recalled. “She’s Miley and I’m Selena.”
Gomez’s rise in Hollywood isn’t the only thing she’s celebrating these days. She’s got a party planned for her Sweet 16 in July.
“I’d like to have a huge, fun and crazy cake,” Gomez said. “I kind of want a Mad Hatter style cake like Ashlee Simpson and Pete Wentz’s [wedding] cake. I want to have karaoke, and I’m going to have a photo booth. It’s going to be really just strictly family and friends.”
I didn’t know anything about this “feud” but after reading her quote, it’s pretty obvious that she wants Miley to get run down by an oversized SUV. Which is fine. But keep it real, chola.
Anyway that sounds like such a fun Sweet 16. Wow karaoke, a photo booth, and a CAKE? Oh man, who could imagine such an event! I’m not jockeying for an invitation or anything (it’s much easier to ether a group of underaged girls when they don’t have your attendance for the party on record), but wow, I’m totally jealous! I think I speak for the general public when I say, Selena Gomez, I look forward to seeing photos of your boobs from that photobooth that “somehow” got leaked to the press.
ED NOTE: FYI, I’m on the road today and tomorrow for work so posting will be sporadic at best. Holla.
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May.23.2008 KEEP YOUR FUCKING CLOTHES ON MILEY
Seriously, this is absurd. Miley Cyrus can’t stop herself from slutting it up.
OceanUp says she emailed these pics to Nick Jonas of The Jonas Brothers while they dated. Which is pretty cool I think because I don’t really know who the Jonas Brothers are but they’re getting 15 year-old sluts worth millions to send images to them. I can’t even get 75 year-old sluts to send dirty pics to me. One day, Leona Helmsley. One day. Wait she’s dead? Oh…well…that explains it.
Also explains why her vag smelled so bad. Aww…awwwwww.
May.08.2008 Miley Cyrus likes the Coffee Bean!
Well, I like Miley Cyrus. I like coffee (not really, but let’s go with it). So when will a publicist combine these two loves for me? OMG! This is an email I just received!
She may be in hot water for her controversial photo in Vanity Fair, but Miley Cyrus is staying cool with beverages from The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf ®!
It has been reported that the catering crew on the set of the “The Hannah Montana Movie” film shoot in Tennessee requested that The Coffee Bean send a supply of the singing sensation’s favorite drinks. Miley requested the no sugar added, Carmel Ice Blended® and the Double Vanilla Latte drink mixes, favorites that she is frequently spotted drinking around Hollywood from the iconic purple straw.
Please let us know if you are interested in receiving samples of some of The Coffee Bean’s famous beverages or if you need high-res images of Miley’s favorite drinks.
Okay, I’m not going to lie. At first, I was going to be mean and be like, “Haha what a stupid email!” But I REALLY want free samples and I REALLY REALLY want high-res images of iced coffee. I bet the coffee’s looking all slutty, little beads of sweat dripping off it. Its lid is saying “no no” but its body is saying “yes yes.” Oh and the hot coffee’s probably got steam just bursting out of its top. That little lid can barely contain all the frothy goodness within. Oh yeahhhhh.
Seriously, please send me this stuff immediately Coffee Bean PR people. Or YOU WILL INCUR MY WRATH.
Apr.28.2008 Miley Cyrus is topless in Vanity Fair
I have to admit, it’s been fun to call Miley Cyrus a slut for doing dumb teenage girl things that any girl would do, like taking slutty pictures or…taking more slutty pictures. But now she’s just making it too easy: she’s got a topless photo in the June issue of Vanity Fair.
Miley Cyrus fans will get to see a different side of the pop sensation in June’s Vanity Fair, and it’s a side she apparently has second thoughts about revealing.
The 15-year-old actress/singer posed for celebrity photographer Annie Leibovitz for the issue, on sale in New York and Los Angeles on Wednesday and nationwide May 6, and in one shot, Cyrus is clad in just a blanket. In a caption running with the image, Disney’s Hannah Montana star tells VF, “I think it’s really artsy. It wasn’t in a skanky way. Annie took, like, a beautiful shot, and I thought that was really cool. That’s what she wanted me to do, and you can’t say no to Annie. She’s so cute. She gets this puppy-dog look and you’re like, OK.’ ”
But on Sunday, Cyrus had a change of heart. “I took part in a photo shoot that was supposed to be ‘artistic’ and now, seeing the photographs and reading the story, I feel so embarrassed,” she said in a statement issued by her publicist, Jill Fritzo. “I never intended for any of this to happen and I apologize to my fans who I care so deeply about.”
Disney Channel also took the offensive by issuing a statement. “Unfortunately, as the article suggests, a situation was created to deliberately manipulate a 15-year-old in order to sell magazines.”
Wait, there’s something wrong with digitally manipulating a 15 year-old girl? You can’t tell where my fingers have been, so I find that highly dubious! Oh…deliberately. Sorry.
Call me crazy, but I’m thinking some clever pedophile out there killed Annie Leibovitz and wore her skin as a costume.
“Annie, why are you rubbing your genitals so furiously,” asked poor Miley.
“Oh, psoriasis of the groin my dear. Here, you hold this sheet over your little girly bosoms. That’s nice. Mmmmmrmmm.”
“Annie, are you okay? It looks like yogurt is leaking out of your old lady dress.”
“UUUUUUURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRROOOOOOOOOOOOOH!!!!” (that’s how I assume a pedophile sounds when cumming. Feel free to correct me).
Apr.21.2008 Miley Cyrus wants to flash you
Miley Cyrus has had some new personal photos leak.
You know, I usually don’t admire people younger than me because either A) They’re not nearly as good at life as I am or B) I hate them because they’re more successful than I am at a younger age. But I think this Miley Cyrus is really different. She’s slutting at a college sophomore level, seemingly can’t keep her clothes on in front of a personal camera, and is probably giving up the cooch every hour like Big Ben (if you’re around her regularly, you can tell when the hour changes by the sound of a bellowing queef).
And the thing is, she doesn’t seem like a social miscreant. Like if anything, she seems like a perfectly normal teenage girl. Which makes this more of a societal epidemic than a reflection on Miley Cyrus. What does this all mean for you? There’s no better time to be a 23 year-old that buys high school girls wine coolers and beer. I get older, they stay the same age…mmmmmm.
[Big ups to Egotastic]
Apr.08.2008 The April 8 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with animal anus
–Great idea of the day: Using your belly button for a tattoo of an animal’s anus. [Tasty Booze]
–I was once in love with Lucia Tovar because she looked like she was made of sweet sweet plastic. Now you can be too. [Hottest Girls of Myspace]
–Former USC RB/current Florida RB Emmanuel Moody is a fag. Does the why even matter? He just is. [Losers with Socks]
–Is Miley Cyrus even the hottest Disney jailbait? [WWTDD]
–Lindsay Lohan’s dedication to her musical craft should embolden us all. [Best Celeb Gossip]
Mar.28.2008 The March 28 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with scientific whore data
–Scientific research behind why some women are hot and some are not. Clearly this is the Lord’s work. [On205th]
–An unhealthy lust for American Idol’s David Cook. [Losers with Socks]
–Hotness of the Moment Simona Fusco decided to just let her boobs flop out at the beach. That’s savvy PR. [The Superficial]
–Miley Cyrus is well on her way to being fat whorish trash. Enjoy the McDonald’s while the metabolism works, Miley. [Best Celeb Gossip]
–Hayden Panettiere has a camel toe surprise for you! [Coed Magazine]
