Yesterday, we talked about how we received a publicist email talking about how Miley Cyrus loves the Coffee Bean. Included in that pitch was an offer for free product and FREE HIGH-RES COFFEE BEAN IMAGES. Well now, half of that bargain has been lived up to. And my expectations have been EXCEEDED. Prepare to fight me to the death for the love of the Coffee Bean, Miley Cyrus.

Ooh check out how dripping wet you are. God I just want to run my tongue up and down your body, winding up inside your froth hole. Mmm that whipped cream looks like soft serve ice cream. For something so refreshingly cold, you are so hot baby.

I like you even more than your friend. You’re lighter, which appeals to my racism. I just want to stick my genitals inside your froth hole. Will you let me? Yeah you will. You’re a dirty frappuccino aren’t you? You like when I smack your bottom, don’t you? SAY MY NAME COFFEE BEAN, SAY MY NAAAAAME.

Yes it’s that easy to get me to shill a product (and, ostensibly, have sex with it). Entertaining, intentionally or not, email + high-res images + free stuff = Me being a whore! See what you missed out on, advertisers??

Well, I like Miley Cyrus. I like coffee (not really, but let’s go with it). So when will a publicist combine these two loves for me? OMG! This is an email I just received!

She may be in hot water for her controversial photo in Vanity Fair, but Miley Cyrus is staying cool with beverages from The Coffee Bean & Tea Leaf ®!

It has been reported that the catering crew on the set of the “The Hannah Montana Movie” film shoot in Tennessee requested that The Coffee Bean send a supply of the singing sensation’s favorite drinks. Miley requested the no sugar added, Carmel Ice Blended® and the Double Vanilla Latte drink mixes, favorites that she is frequently spotted drinking around Hollywood from the iconic purple straw.

Please let us know if you are interested in receiving samples of some of The Coffee Bean’s famous beverages or if you need high-res images of Miley’s favorite drinks.

Okay, I’m not going to lie. At first, I was going to be mean and be like, “Haha what a stupid email!” But I REALLY want free samples and I REALLY REALLY want high-res images of iced coffee. I bet the coffee’s looking all slutty, little beads of sweat dripping off it. Its lid is saying “no no” but its body is saying “yes yes.” Oh and the hot coffee’s probably got steam just bursting out of its top. That little lid can barely contain all the frothy goodness within. Oh yeahhhhh.

Seriously, please send me this stuff immediately Coffee Bean PR people. Or YOU WILL INCUR MY WRATH.