Oct.10.2008 Christina Applegate can hug again
Christina Applegate had breast cancer and then had her luscious bosoms cut off to ensure that it won’t happen again. So unfortunately, that meant less hugs.
Christina Applegate has been bravely outspoken about her battle with breast cancer. But, the Samantha Who? star reveals, she wasn’t always so forthcoming.
“I went back to work for about five weeks right after the second surgery,” Applegate tells Ellen DeGeneres on Friday’s show. She adds, “I didn’t tell anyone [about the diagnosis].”
She and DeGeneres recently bonded at the Stand Up to Cancer fund-raiser. (The event also featured fellow cancer sufferer Patrick Swayze and megastars like Jennifer Aniston.)
“[I'm feeling] so much better than the last time I saw you,” she tells the talk show host. “I was really … afraid of people hugging me. People are really huggy at those things.”
“I apologize,” DeGeneres says. “I hugged you.”
But these days, Applegate inists, “I’m good. I’ll grab ya.”
DeGeneres responds with a promise: “I’m going to hug you a bunch during this commercial break.”
Oh I bet you would hug her a bunch, Ellen. Though Ellen, you don’t seem to get that hugs don’t involve tongues, Melissa Etheridge music, and strap-ons. I could see how you’d get confused about that though.
And yeah, I’d be really excited to hug Christina Applegate now. It’s like going to ride the Batman rollercoaster, only instead of being on the coaster tracks, it’s being pulled by a fat guy on roller blades. Sure, the ride is the same in principle, but you kinda sucked all the joy out of it.
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Oct.10.2008 This is what Gisele Bundchen thinks of you
Gisele Bundchen was shooting a music video for some band called Blackcowboy.
Yes, that’s Gisele giving you, the general public, the finger. She hates you. She hates your clothes, your hair, everything you stand for. You disgust Gisele Bundchen. If she saw you, she’d probably spit in your face. No, not probably…definitely. You’re no Tom Brady. Tom Brady could have no legs and she’d still prefer him to you. Because she’s Gisele Bundchen. So what if her vagina is like sunshine, rainbows, and kitty cats frolicking in a lush green meadow? You’ll never know. Because she has nothing but utter, unflinching disdain for you.
On the plus side, every time a supermodel gives you the finger, it gets easier and easier to brush it off. After I got the finger from Marissa Miller from “groping her ‘inappropriately’” (since when is a grope inappropriate?), I just let it roll off my back. Unlike the stomps from her bodyguards. Those did less of a “roll”. More of a dull tingle followed by complete numbness followed by temporary spinal shock. Same difference.
Oct.09.2008 Angelina Jolie and Hot Pockets are sitting in a tree
When she was pregnant, Angelina Jolie was apparently extremely gay for Hot Pockets. Which is ironic because her adopted kids tend to have a stomach the size of one.
After giving birth to twins, Angelina Jolie had a difficult time putting the breaks on the high-calorie pizzas, Hot Pockets, french fries and ice cream she consumed during her pregnancy, Us Weekly reports in its latest issue, on newsstands now.
Her snacking got so bad that a source close to Jolie’s French Ob-Gyn, Michel Sussman, tells Us that he instructed her to eat more nutritiously. (She said junk food is “their family’s weakness” and even joked about Brad Pitt having a pregnant belly, says the source.)
What is it about pregnancy that turns even the finest, most elegant women around into complete white trash? “HOT POCKETS, PICKLES WITH CHOCOLATE MAYONNAISE PLEASE, I WANT IT FRIED TOO!” That may have been more to blame for Britney Spears’ downfall than any other factor. Something about a succubus inside of you eating away all of your womanly essence just does a bit of damage.
I’ve also come up with a new theory that Angelina Jolie is secretly hoping to become Captain Planet. She’s assembling kids of diverse ethnicities. Next step is the rings. Then, BAM, one blue paintjob and she’s set.
Oct.09.2008 This is what pregnancy looks like, Carmen Electra?
From the Italian premiere of Disaster Movie, a country where they love pasta, water taxis, and big breasts promoting shitty parody.
So according to our friend Zack Taylor at Hot or Not Gossip, Carmen Electra is now pregnant. And while the gift of life is beautiful or whatever insomuchas you bloat up and look like a house typically, maybe I’ve been approaching it all wrong. If there’s a chance you look like that, pictured above and below, after getting this living organism growing inside of you, maybe my girlfriend just saved herself a swift kick to the stomach.
Oct.08.2008 Jamie Lynn Spears is EXTREMELY fertile
The National Enquirer is reporting that Jamie Lynn Spears done got herself knocked up again. From the latest issue…
A source tells the publication, “Jamie Lynn is about eight weeks pregnant, and she and her mom Lynne are hysterical.
“Neither of them knows what to do, but for now they’re trying to keep the news from getting out.
“Jamie Lynn believed she couldn’t get pregnant while she was breast-feeding.
“She’d expected to have her period by early September, but a home pregnancy test came back positive and Jamie Lynn cried her eyes out.
“Lynne was livid when she found out.”
Read that again…she thought she couldn’t get pregnant by breast-feeding. That’s like something a small child would think, how retarded is this girl? That’s like when I used to tell girls to click their heels twice after accidentally erupting inside of them. Sure, it didn’t work, but if you believe hard enough and close your eyes real tight, I’ll have enough time to run out of the apartment and never see you again. So I guess that’s the difference…my idea actually worked.
Man she must really love unprotected sex though. For a teenage girl to get knocked up immediately after popping one out, she’s got to have a strong hatred for latex. She may punch Trojanman every time in the face she sees him. It’s that strong that no mascot can stop this skin-on-skin menace.
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Oct.08.2008 Lindsay Lohan is so forgetful when it comes to bras
From somewhere in Hollywood…
So either Lindsay Lohan forgot to provide herself some additional separation of her breasts from the rest of society or I’ve developed x-ray vision. I’m hoping it’s the latter, but I’m pretty sure it’s the former.
You know, people treat these Lindsay Lohan boob shots like they’re just another day at the office, but I was raised to treasure every moment like it was my last. Granted, I’m pretty sure my mom wasn’t referring to Lindsay Lohan’s nipples, but how do we know she wasn’t? How do we know?????
Oct.07.2008 Elle’s Women in Hollywood event had like every woman in Hollywood
From A-listers like Jennifer Lopez and Halle Berry to uh, negative Q listers like Jennie Garth and Katherine McPhee (below), every vagina in Hollywood came out for Elle’s 15th Tribute to Women in Hollywood last night.
Yeah girl power is all great and whatever, rah rah, but because this event was “for women”, no slutty outfits were unveiled. Just sensible, classy dresses that displayed no cleavage, legs, butt cleavage, hips, lower back tattoos, belly buttons, thighs, vaginal lips, or anuses. Not that many dresses show the latter other than the Elton John Collection, but still, there’s literally nothing hot about these photos.
Anyway if you like dumb women pretending they care about what Audrey Hepburn did a billion years ago, there are more photos below.
