Dec.09.2008 Truth in advertising..on fat girls’ shirts
There’s nothing better than having a sense of humor about yourself. And there’s even more..better…ness about knowing who you are. This lady has both of those goals accomplished.
I’ve never really been in the camp that believes that you should hook up with needy fat girls because they’ll “do more”, probably because I’ve been firmly in the camp that would prefer not to find a decomposing cheeseburger on a girl during an intimate love-making session.
The only reason I would date a fat girl is if I knew I’d be getting into a plane crash soon. I assume her veal-like existence would make her nice and tender and delicious when we inevitably ended up resorting to cannibalism. But I bet it’d be kind of awkward when they go to rescue me from the crash like 12 hours later and I’m already eating a Bulbous Becky buffet. Whatever man. You haven’t been in my shoes.
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Dec.09.2008 The December 9 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with Jaws
This is why you never ever trust a shark, no matter how appealing he may be.
—So yeah, now, in addition to mandatory joining of our Facebook group (DO IT NOW if you haven’t yet) you have to follow me on Twitter. It’s all a way we can get closer and build up our relationship. Or a way for you to hear more of my disgust with reality. Either/or.
girls
-Kristen Bell in a see-through bra
-Penelope Cruz has gotten smarter in the breast area
-German pop stars in their underwear
-Assless chap jeans on a hot chick? (funnysexypic)
-Another hot, busty Greek girl
-Katy Perry brings her girl kissing boobs to the KIIS concert in Los Angeles
-More on Tampa Bay Bucs’ QB Jeff Garcia and his hot Playboy Playmate wife
funny
-10 dudes who cry like girls
-Best Jeopardy answer ever (funny video)
-Kids love vodka (funny pic)
-What kind of heartless bastard gives a ticket to the Batmobile? (funny pic)
-A fine collection of the most bizarretarded (awesome new word) Yahoo Answers posts ever
-Hilarious instances of coaches getting knocked the fuck out on the sideline
interesting
-Who do college girls want: The game player or the honest boy?
-Tila Tequila can read AND write? No way
-Female rappers make some awful music that make you not want to have a daughter (videos)
-The 10 most bizarre Batmans ever (apparently it’s Batman day)
-University of Florida cheer ends up being interpreted as a racial slur. Whoops!
-The 10 breakout stars of 2008
-15 of the best bullies in movies
Dec.09.2008 Kiss makes Chinese girl go deaf
Everyone knows the dangers of kissing a woman…herpes, getting into a relationship, cooties…but now you can add another one to the list: Making her go deaf.
A young Chinese woman was left partially deaf following a passionate kiss from her boyfriend.
The 20-something from Zhuhai in Guangdong province arrived at hospital having completely lost the hearing in her left ear, said local reports.
“While kissing is normally very safe, doctors advise people to proceed with caution,” wrote the China Daily.
The doctor who treated the girl in hospital was quoted in the paper explaining what had happened.
“The kiss reduced the pressure in the mouth, pulled the eardrum out and caused the breakdown of the ear.”
The chorus of warnings was echoed by the Shanghai Daily, which wrote: “A strong kiss may cause an imbalance in the air pressure between two inner ears and lead to a broken ear drum.”
The young woman is expected to regain her full hearing within about two months.
It kind of sounds like Chinese propaganda to me but I guess we can pretend this is totally legit. What the fuck kind of sea monster do you have to be to suck so much air out of the girl (or blow so much air in) that she her ear drum explodes? You’re not supposed to kiss someone like you’re blowing up an innertube. In fact, there are rarely situations when sucking air out of or blowing air into an orifice will lead to anything good.
Ironically for me, when I kiss a girl, I often get a lot of ear pain afterwards. Usually from her prattling on about shoes or our future together or why is her vagina burning so badly and was I recently tested. You know, usual relationship nonsense.
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Dec.09.2008 Escalators provide super powers
I try to get comics I haven’t heard of in this Comic of the Day slot and here’s one I’ve never seen before. Via The Warehouse comes this one.
Maybe Batman should be a bit less judgmental. These superheroes always think they’re so great with their fancy cars and capes and attractive women who are blissfully retarded enough to not see the fact that the man in their life fights crime for like 8 hours a day. I guess I’m just a little bitter that my superhero alter ego Precum Man didn’t take off. You’d be surprised at how difficult it is to make villains slip and fall on an area specifically designed to make them take a topple.
Dec.09.2008 Inappropriate Statue is inappropriate
I’m not sure where this comes from but I can only assume it originated somewhere in every statue’s fantasies.
The photo is funny and all, but my question is what the fuck was that statue doing when just sitting there? I guess it’s positioned to gesture wildly as though having a riveting conversation. But when have you ever had a riveting conversation with a statue? Unless you count that time you spent with Ronald McDonald. Or Stephen Hawking. Though he’s more of a cyborg than a statue, I guess. A poorly made cyborg though because he only got the robotic voice and not any sort of, you know, robot limb movement. On the plus side, I bet his chair’s really comfy. On the down side, I guess he can’t feel his chair being comfy. In summation, the main takeaway from all of this is that you could probably just fuck Stephen Hawking and he’d never know.
Dec.08.2008 Morgan Freeman has a fuckload of money
When I think of guys who might make a $100 million divorce payout, Morgan Freeman isn’t the first guy who comes to mind. But apparently, he should be.
Sounds like Morgan Freeman’s divorce from his wife, Myrna Colley-Lee, will be both nasty and expensive for the Oscar winner.
Though there’s no comment from either party in this breakup, Freeman’s wife of 24 years stands to rake in more than $100 million in a potential settlement.
Original estimates put the actor’s net worth in the $75 million to $90 million range, but now it is being reported he may be worth as much as three to four times that amount.
Among assets contributing to the actor’s bounty are a very valuable gold coin collection, a rare stamp collection, a $7 million home in the Virgin Islands, real estate in Freeman’s native Mississippi worth nearly $30 million (including a $5 million personal home), a $10 million New York apartment and a $15 million Los Angeles estate.
”Morgan has always remembered what it was like to be a poor, struggling actor, and as a result he has always been very careful with his money. Morgan isn’t cheap, but he has always been pretty frugal,” a longtime associate told me Tuesday.
I’ve always thought Morgan Freeman was a fairly overrated actor. How many stately older black men are there on Earth that he can seemingly play the same one in every fucking movie he’s ever done? And now, to make matters worse, he’s apparently been paid in the form of millions of gold bars and garbage bags of cocaine. What the fuck, how is that fair? Every time I act like an old-timey black guy, I get nothing other than a session with a racial sensitivity counselor and disgusted looks from my coworker Jacquitonda.
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Dec.08.2008 Quote of the Day
Minnesota Vikings tight end Visanthe Shiancoe was caught with his penis flapping around during FOX’s NFL coverage yesterday. Why? To up the sexy quotient of the broadcast, I’d presume.
Shiancoe was inadvertently shown naked on television while a FOX camera crew taped owner Zygi Wilf’s presentation of the game ball to coach Brad Childress’ 19-year-old son Andrew, who is joining the Marine Corps on Monday.
Shiancoe was standing behind and to the side of Wilf with a towel partly covering his body. But not completely.
“It obviously was an oversight on our part and we apologize,” said FOX Sports vice president of Communications Dan Bell.
