Oct.10.2008 How to panic efficiently in the current economy: Destroy your credit card
I found this video oddly compelling. To promote National Identity Fraud Prevention Week in the UK, this site did a “test” which involved completely destroying six credit cards in creative ways, including acid, liquid nitrogen, and a shotgun.
But the best way to destroy your credit card? Sliding it down the ass crack of a stripper at a strip club. Because then not only is it infected with disease, you’ll also get beaten up pretty handily and there’s no way you’re getting that card back. But you know what you do get? A real sense of accomplishment for taking another pompous stripper down a peg.
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Oct.10.2008 Quote of the Day
Worst…court sentence…ever.
Eau Claire County Judge Paul Lenz gave Shane McQuillan an option after he was found guilty of criminal damage to property for ramming his car into a closed gate at the plant.
McQuillan could spent time in jail, or spend a day outside the plant holding a sign that says “I was stupid.” McQuillan chose the sign sentence Wednesday.
[via]
Oct.10.2008 The 7 most delightfully perverse toy commercials
As a child, there’s so much that goes over your head. For example, look at these seven commercials that you might not think much of as a kid that now seem a little, shall we say, off.
Mr. Bucket has a love-hate relationship with your balls
I don’t really get how this game would be fun in any situation (here, put these balls in a bucket…HAHA IT FELL OUT, what fun!) but Mr. Bucket makes it seem captivating. And vaguely like a dog in a bathtub.
It’s so whimsical the way he requests balls being put in any open orifice. Singing and dancing around, just begging for you to toss them inside of him. It’s like hanging out with the male members of the cast of Rent at their show afterparties.
The Hulkamania Workout Set will make you get sweaty and shirtless with grown men
Hulkamania was a big thing for kids in the 80s. Hulk Hogan taught life lessons, won championships, did copious amounts of steroids…so of course the then-WWF wanted to pass his ideologies onto kids. Through the Hulkamania Workout Set (in a commercial that, oddly, didn’t feature Hulk Hogan, but rather his archnemesis, Paul Orndorff).
I can only imagine this boy’s father coming in to the room at the end of the commercial…
“Son, why is there a giant hole in the wall? And a shirtless man? And why are you also shirtless? Oh you’re just working out…whew! Welp, back to the living room, where I drink copiously and ignore any loud noises. Parenting is hard!”
The Baby Wee-Wee loves indecent exposure
There have been a ton of dolls that pee. I guess that’s fine enough because kids like dolls that excrete things like urine or vomit or blood or chocolate sauce for whatever reason. But this commercial just leaves no mystery to how things work.
So if you’ve ever wanted to see a child doll’s penis leaking fake urine, congratulations! You can now cross that off your Mr. Bucket list. I don’t know why it’s so cute when a doll does it though. Every time I pull down my pants in front of grade schoolers it’s a “problem” and “arrest” and often “prison sentence” followed by a “Megan’s Law”. These injustices will not be forgotten.
Oct.10.2008 The October 10 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with fatsos
How fat guys deserve to be treated. Aw.
-Christina Aguilera shows her butt
-A hot USC volleyball girl is the daughter of an NHL GM
-A battle of University of Texas and Oklahoma University coed eyecandy (and other off-field matchups)
-Who’s hotter: Angelina Jolie or “The Black Angelina Jolie”
-Man completes a full swing flip (w/ video)
-Ciara shows off her goodies for Vibe
-How to get gonorrheas (funny video)
-This bear is hungry (funny pic)
-Girls went wild in Alabama last weekend
-Soccer Cheerleaders are kinda goregous
-Bears gone wild on Wall Street (w/ video)
-Fox News…not good at math when it comes to politics
-Olga is Russian and extremely hot
-Tamara Sedmak looks good in a bikini
Oct.10.2008 Christina Applegate can hug again
Christina Applegate had breast cancer and then had her luscious bosoms cut off to ensure that it won’t happen again. So unfortunately, that meant less hugs.
Christina Applegate has been bravely outspoken about her battle with breast cancer. But, the Samantha Who? star reveals, she wasn’t always so forthcoming.
“I went back to work for about five weeks right after the second surgery,” Applegate tells Ellen DeGeneres on Friday’s show. She adds, “I didn’t tell anyone [about the diagnosis].”
She and DeGeneres recently bonded at the Stand Up to Cancer fund-raiser. (The event also featured fellow cancer sufferer Patrick Swayze and megastars like Jennifer Aniston.)
“[I'm feeling] so much better than the last time I saw you,” she tells the talk show host. “I was really … afraid of people hugging me. People are really huggy at those things.”
“I apologize,” DeGeneres says. “I hugged you.”
But these days, Applegate inists, “I’m good. I’ll grab ya.”
DeGeneres responds with a promise: “I’m going to hug you a bunch during this commercial break.”
Oh I bet you would hug her a bunch, Ellen. Though Ellen, you don’t seem to get that hugs don’t involve tongues, Melissa Etheridge music, and strap-ons. I could see how you’d get confused about that though.
And yeah, I’d be really excited to hug Christina Applegate now. It’s like going to ride the Batman rollercoaster, only instead of being on the coaster tracks, it’s being pulled by a fat guy on roller blades. Sure, the ride is the same in principle, but you kinda sucked all the joy out of it.
Oct.10.2008 This is what Gisele Bundchen thinks of you
Gisele Bundchen was shooting a music video for some band called Blackcowboy.
Yes, that’s Gisele giving you, the general public, the finger. She hates you. She hates your clothes, your hair, everything you stand for. You disgust Gisele Bundchen. If she saw you, she’d probably spit in your face. No, not probably…definitely. You’re no Tom Brady. Tom Brady could have no legs and she’d still prefer him to you. Because she’s Gisele Bundchen. So what if her vagina is like sunshine, rainbows, and kitty cats frolicking in a lush green meadow? You’ll never know. Because she has nothing but utter, unflinching disdain for you.
On the plus side, every time a supermodel gives you the finger, it gets easier and easier to brush it off. After I got the finger from Marissa Miller from “groping her ‘inappropriately’” (since when is a grope inappropriate?), I just let it roll off my back. Unlike the stomps from her bodyguards. Those did less of a “roll”. More of a dull tingle followed by complete numbness followed by temporary spinal shock. Same difference.
Oct.09.2008 McCain-Palin supporters are way smart
There’s a good chance that if you read this site, you consider yourself part of the more intelligent side of America (or, at the very least, consider yourself to be better than most people). Well, here’s proof that you are:
Sure, it’s easy to call these McCain-Palin supporters idiots. It’s easy to call them mouthbreathers and racists and sheltered white people. It’s easy to call them one mere chromosome away from complete mental retardation. It’s easy.
Oh, I didn’t really have any follow-up for that, I just like things that are easy. That’s why your mom and I are such good friends. OH NOT LIKE THAT! I just meant she’s a great conversationalist.
