Via Fark comes this awesome article in today’s Chicago Tribune about disgraced reporter Amy Jacobson, who was photographed by a competing news station in a bikini at a subject’s home (some dude whose story she was trying to get to the bottom of), then unceremoniously canned. Long block quote below, but an interesting story so bear with me. Or look at her big mom boobs, whatever.

The former WMAQ-Ch. 5 reporter is seeking more than $1 million in damages from WBBM-Ch. 2 parent CBS, Channel 2 boss Joe Ahern and others, complaining that a tape it aired of her in bathing attire at the home of a potential news source in July 2007 subjected Jacobson to “enormous public humiliation and disgrace.”

Jacobson wound up losing her TV job and, eventually, her home, according to the suit filed Monday in Cook County by attorney Kathleen Zellner on behalf of Jacobson, husband Jaime Anglada and their two children, all of whom alleged to have “suffered from observing the devastating effects on the person they love most.”

Jacobson’s suit, which states “some would say” she was “the best in the business” before the July 5, 2007, incident was recorded by Channel 2, alleges the station never should have shot the video, should never have aired it and should not have edited it the way it did.

The suit asserts Channel 2 portrayed her as “an adulteress and disreputable reporter” and said the station leaked word of the tape to newspapers, leading to published reports it used to justify airing the video.

Jacobson has said she originally intended to take her kids swimming at Chicago’s East Bank Club before she detoured to the Plainfield home of Craig Stebic, whose wife had vanished two months earlier and remains missing to this day, at the invitation of Stebic’s sister.

Whatever journalistic splash Jacobson had hoped to make by Stebic’s pool by ingratiating herself with potential sources instead resulted in the self-inflicted sting of a belly flop, reported everywhere from England to Australia. Even Geraldo Rivera weighed in, decrying her ethics and calling her dismissal “a no-brainer” on Fox News Channel.

Sources told the Chicago Tribune last year that Jacobson’s decision to brief police on her interaction with Stebic, without telling her WMAQ bosses, played a role in her ouster. That breach of standards, which made her a part of a story she was covering, one she had been warned she was getting too close to, was just the latest incident to cause bosses to lose their confidence in Jacobson’s judgment, the sources said.

While one Chicago TV executive at the time called Jacobson’s misstep “egregious,” another said she might have survived it had it not been for an accumulation of incidents.

I can’t really tell if she’s hot, but if I were a dude who just killed my wife and pretended she went missing, I prooooobably wouldn’t be able to go out and get tail too often. Kind of blows your cover a bit.

I can definitely relate to Amy though. When you’re a serious investigative reporter like us, sometimes you have to put yourself in awkward situations for the news. Sometimes it’s appearing at a dude’s place with your boobs flopping around, sometimes it’s taking a load on the chin. It’s like that guy who gives me free access to videos on YouTube. He said he was the heir to YouTube…his name is like Johnny Youtubener. Man, the things I’ve had to do for access to their videos. Wait. YouTube videos are free for everyone? What? Are you serious? Fuck. I swore this wouldn’t happen again after that guy in the restroom gave me a paper towel and said he didn’t do that for everyone..that I was special. DAMMIT JULIO. YOU AND YOUR SWEET SWEET LIES.

I didn’t know giraffes had a sense of heroism, but apparently I was wrong. A giraffe in Amsterdam saved a bunch of its circus pals.

Amsterdam police say 15 camels, two zebras and an undetermined number of llamas and potbellied swine briefly escaped from a traveling Dutch circus after a giraffe kicked a hole in their cage.

Police spokesman Arnout Aben says the animals wandered in a group through a nearby neighborhood for several hours after their 5:30 a.m. breakout.

The animals were back at the circus later Monday after being rounded up by police and circus workers with the assistance of dogs. Aben says neighbors fed some of the animals — which he said was a bad idea — but they were tame and nobody was hurt.

Says Aben: “You have to imagine somebody rubbing his eyes first thing in the morning and saying, ‘Am I seeing things or is that 15 camels walking past?’”

You know, for such an interesting animal, giraffes are pretty nondescript. Where are they in Disney movies? Or advertisements? It’s seriously just Geoffrey the Giraffe out there fighting the good fight for people to remember giraffes and giraffe culture. Call me crazy, but I think giraffes can play a bigger role in pop culture. They have long necks, silly horn things that can hold up a hat…they’re basically ready-made to sell me some sort of fattening dessert or get me hooked on smoking. Someone needs to fight for these giraffes and it may as well be me. Giraffes, remember this favor the next time I get myself stuck in a tree. It happens alarmingly often!

Thinking about selling your life away? Prepare to be disappointed if you’re anything like this Australian dude.

A man who auctioned his life — his house, his car, his job, even his friends — on eBay said Monday he is disappointed with the selling price: almost $384,000.

Ian Usher, a British immigrant to Australia, put everything he owned as well as introductions to his friends on the online auction site after a painful breakup with his wife prompted him to want a fresh start.

“I guess I’m a little bit disappointed at the final price, I’d hoped it to be a little higher than that,” Usher told Nine Network television on Monday. “But I am committed to selling and moving on and making a fresh start.”

He declined to reveal the buyer’s identity, or what his next step would be.

Usher said he had hoped to get at least $480,000 (a half-million Australian dollars) for his life — his house and all its contents, car and a motorcycle, a jet ski, skydiving gear, an introduction to friends and a trial period in his sales job — but that the final result was enough for him to make a new start in life.

Early reports say that the reason bids on the man’s life were lower than expected was because who the fuck wants the life of some asshole who has to sell his life on eBay. In a related story, I once offered a homeless guy $20 to trade places for a day. Under the guise of wanting to see how the other half lived, I rolled around in dirt, found the ugliest trenchcoat I could find, got myself a coffee cup, and prepared to brave the harsh conditions. It was an important sociological experiment to me; I believed that by putting myself in the shoes of the unfortunate, I’d be able to truly appreciate all of the things that I’ve been given in my life. Then after five minutes I got bored and wanted to eat a sandwich so I killed the homeless guy when he came to pick up the keys to my apartment and went to McDonald’s. It’s ok. He’s homeless, he didn’t have a soul anyway.

Via Fark comes this charming tale of classy people doing classy things. A judge bought a whore a pizza to reveal her pimp to the court.

When inmate Caressa Brunelle came before a judge Wednesday to be released, Brunelle reminded the judge she was owed a pizza.

So, Hamilton County Municipal Court Judge Nadine Allen sent someone to pick up a $5 personal pizza at the Downtown Donato’s and let Brunelle eat it in court.

The pizza was Brunelle’s reward for telling Allen who her pimp was, information Allen used to have the alleged pimp - Jason Lee - arrested.

“I felt that a pizza for a pimp was a good (trade),” the judge said Thursday.

“She was all ecstatic and she said, ‘Oh yeah, you owe me a pizza,’ ” Allen said.

Allen was pleased to pay up.

“I wish other prostitutes would come forward and reveal their pimps. Pizza is cheaper than what we pay for undercover (investigations). Of course, you understand I’m being facetious,” the judge said.

The fuck? A $5 personal pizza? This dick couldn’t even spring for a full pie for this poor cum dumpster who lost the main man in her life? And isn’t this illegal somehow? He totally bribed her to get her to give up info. That seems kind of messed up, even if the stakes are low and the pimp is a scumbag. On the other hand, pizza is pretty delicious. I had a lot of it last night. AND I didn’t have to sell out the guy who made me suck dicks for money. Point Chris!

Some kid who totally wasn’t any sort of ethnicity drove his grandmother’s car down MARTIN LUTHER KING BLVD (DING DING) and crashed it. It’s a slow news day, blow me.

Matthew Sands had to look twice at the driver of a red Geo Tracker that passed him on Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Boulevard Tuesday morning.

Mafatau told police he tried to stop the vehicle as the 7-year-old boy crashed into a bush near Burger King west of the mall. The boy drove off around the mall and then crashed into a bush and tree near Outback Steakhouse when Sands stopped his car and tried to get the keys out of the Geo.

The boy then threw the vehicle in reverse and backed into Sands’ car in the mall drive off Granville Avenue.

“He was awful small to be driving,” said Sands of Hartford City.

You know who else is awful small to be driving? Midgets. And we not only let them drive their stupid midget cards with sticks and booster seats everywhere, but we also let them LIVE. And REPRODUCE! So fuck that, let this little kid drive all he wants. At least he’s going to grow some day.