Nov.25.2008 SITE NEWS: Aaaaand I’m done.
I’m dipping out early for Thanksgiving because…well, because fuck you, that’s why. Just kidding, you’re cool and since this is a time for thanks, I’ll be nice. It’s also a time for giving. So I guess this is a pretty conveniently named holiday.
Anyway I’ll be back on Monday. If you’re bored over the break, I recommend checking the list and funny pics archives. They’re a solid time killer.
Or just send me lewd pictures of yourself at the email address to the right. Look, if that’s a sacrifice I have to make for our relationship, I’ll do it.
Smooches,
Chris
Your Paragon of Virtue
EDIT: Also this, because it’s awesome:
Nov.25.2008 Penis shaped crazy straws are all the rage at Walmart
Via my new favorite video site Laugh Freak comes this charming news story of Walmart and its love for penis shaped crazy straws.
Sure, current iterations of crazy straws are significantly crazy. But I’d say that, much like anything else in life, adding penises to the equation makes it even craaaaaazier (that’s why the crazy bread at my pizza shop never really took off).
At least these kids are getting adequately trained for how we’re all going to have to make money in this recession. It’s much better than learning on the job. I once dated a girl who just banged mine against her forehead, clearly confused as to how this transaction works. All of that could have been avoided if we had penis crazy straws. Or if I stopped picking up chicks on short buses. Look, solutions are always much easier in hindsight.
Nov.25.2008 Quote of the Day
China has a lot of people and all of these people need their sex. So you’d think the whores of China would be all about wrapping it up for their millions of johns. Notsomuch. No condoms + HIV = no wonder Asian people stay so thin.
MORE than half of Beijing’s prostitutes do not use condoms despite sexual transmission having replaced drug use as the most common infection route for HIV, state media says.
Just 47 per cent of the 90,000 sex workers in China’s capital used condoms, the official Xinhua news agency quoted Fang Laiying, director of the municipal public health bureau, as saying on Tuesday.
[via]
Nov.25.2008 Flying cars!
It may have taken a while but dammit, we’re going to get our flying cars! Check out the Moller M400 Skycar aircraft, with a maximum speed of 360 mph.
YES! Soon I will be flying my way to work, leisurely soaring above the world while drunk off of the magic of aviation. Also, rum and cokes. But while this flying car is awesome, more importantly, it’ll open a window to get all kinds of exciting new technologies that we’ve been promised for so long. Teleporters that won’t merge my DNA with a fly’s! Treadmills in the clouds that I can get stuck in, rolling around indefinitely until my wife Jane can stop it! ROBOT WIVES!
I’ve known love, friends. From real women, dolls, chimpanzees with lustful eyes. But no sensation will compare to the joy of inserting my genitals into a vagina fashioned out of a bladeless garbage disposal. Dare to dream.
Nov.25.2008 The November 25 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with frozen beer
You could probably be an effective terrorist with frozen beer alone
-Helen Tucker has boobs and underwear in Maxim
-Weekly sex Q&A answers the age old question: Why does the vag stink?
-What do women want from a man?
-Jennifer Walcott is a sexy MILF
-The 9 most annoying conversations you’ll be having on Thanksgiving
-The 20 hottest women of pro wrestling
-Basketball roof jump was a bad idea (funny video)
-St. Louis Rams QB Marc Bulger has a hot little sister engaging in lesbian activities
-Why the fuck do the Japanese like such creepy shit? (funny pic)
-A fine Amateur ass in a thong (pic)
-Chicks with big boobs are classy (funny video)
-The 10 hottest videos of celebrity girls crawling on all fours
-Ten entertaining turkey moments (with video)
-Argentinian hotness in a bikini
-Dita Von Teese got naked for German Playboy
-How to stay classy in NY public toilets
-10 signs you drank too much (funny pics)
-Farting kid arrested at school
Nov.25.2008 Kid in wheelchair does backflip (video)
It’s Thanksgiving time and that means there’s nothing worth writing about going on, really. But fortunately there are brave media outlets like the Telegraph in the UK soldiering on, finding worthless news and writing about it. In this case, it’s a kid doing a backflip in a wheelchair, the first recorded instance.
Sixteen-year-old Aaron Fotheringham - known as ‘Wheels’ - got official recognition last month, even though he has been doing them for two years.
He takes his specially made wheelchair on to skate ramps in Las Vegas, where he has become a something of a celebrity in the skate scene.
He said: “It feels awesome to have the record.”
Aaron invented a sport that he calls “hardcore sitting” - using a wheelchair to perform moves more often seen done on skateboards or BMX bikes.
He has been doing stunts since the age of nine when his elder brother Brian took him to their local skate park. Brian encouraged him to go down a ramp and the obsession was born.
Now Aaron gets flown all over the world to perform stunts and spends at least three hours a day practising. He has become a role model to many young people who use wheelchairs.
On the plus side, that’s pretty amazing and it really shows a lot of courage and dedication. Honestly, the kid is inspirational and I truly believe it’s awesome that someone dealt a shitty hand in life is doing what they can with it.
On the down side, his legs and genitals might as well be made out of leprechauns or genies because they’d be just as functional if they didn’t exist. They’re useless, just dangling there. You might as well just tie spaghetti to your waist and call it a day.
(seriously though, the kid is kind of awesome and worthy of praise)
[source]
Nov.25.2008 What’s going on in this bar?
Via Virus Comix comes this little diddy about the various people you see in a bar (you probably have to click through to read all the small text).
And with that we have the official most depressing comic ever. Depressing in terms of content but also depressing because I got cut out of the comic too. I was featured in this brilliant panel where I was rubbing my hands together malevolently after putting a roofie in some girl’s drink, then going on some soliloquy about the fleetingness of man and how I’m going to solve my various existential crises by ejaculating on the breasts of a woman in a comatose state. It really tugged on the heart strings.
