Oct.21.2008 PETA thinks eating fish is like eating kittens
Yessir, I love me some PETA. In their latest ramblings of the crazy, they’re now saying that fish are basically like cuddly kittens, so we shouldn’t eat them. Below is MY Sea Kitten.
Create Your Own Sea Kitten at peta.org!
People don’t seem to like fish. They’re slithery and slimy, and they have eyes on either side of their pointy little heads—which is weird, to say the least. Plus, the small ones nibble at your feet when you’re swimming, and the big ones—well, the big ones will bite your face off if Jaws is anything to go by.
Of course, if you look at it another way, what all this really means is that fish need to fire their PR guy—stat. Whoever was in charge of creating a positive image for fish needs to go right back to working on the Britney Spears account and leave our scaly little friends alone. You’ve done enough damage, buddy. We’ve got it from here. And we’re going to start by retiring the old name for good. When your name can also be used as a verb that means driving a hook through your head, it’s time for a serious image makeover. And who could possibly want to put a hook through a sea kitten?
Granted, PETA may be the most pompous, obnoxious political group around. But there’s a certain nobility to defending cute little animals from being tortured and turned into food or cows being turned to food in inhumane ways. There’s slightly less of a nobility trying to keep me from eating some asshole who swims around like an idiot and shits in the same place he drinks and breathes. I can’t even scratch a fish behind its ear and go “Who’s a good girl! Wuzzy wuzzy wuzza wooo wuzza wooo.”
And look, don’t get me wrong, I love my cat (the official Kitten of Hilarity, Nilla), but if her brothers and sisters whom I never met went good with wasabi and soy, I’d probably contemplate taking a bite. Or two. Doesn’t make me a bad person. It makes me a connoisseur.
Fuck the sea kittens — land kittens (or, as they’re more commonly known, “kittens”) are ever so much more tasty. They’re tender in any stew, and their skins make the very best slippers for those chilly winter nights.
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