Sep.30.2008 The 9 best Jewish things
It’s Rosh Hashanah today, also known as the Jewish New Year. What does that mean (other than that your Jewish coworker, Schmeckel, shouldn’t be off on December 31st or January 1st)? It means it’s a time to look at a few of my favorite Jewish things!
Home decor: Menorah
How do you improve upon a candle? BY MAKING SEVEN OF THEM IN ONE! Man, that’s clever. The “more is more” philosophy is also pretty in line with America’s, I’d say.
Societal convention: Circumcision
Have you seen an uncircumcised penis? It’s all hooded and shady looking. Looks kind of like one of the police drawings of the Unabomber.
Enemy: Mel Gibson
Good to see his hatred for the Jewish people didn’t force him out of a prominent starring roles in Hollywood. *looks at IMDB page… Oh.
Half-Jewess: Scarlett Johansson
She’s allegedly half-Jewish and now married to a Canadian in Ryan Reynolds. If she were full-Jewish, they would have been married six months ago, she’d be done acting, and they’d currently be at Marshalls looking for a good deal on home goods.
Find the Jonas Brothers Tour Dates and Madonna Tour Dates at Vividseats.com! We sell Concert Tickets like Avril Lavigne Concert Tickets and Theater Tickets to the hottest shows, such as The Lion King and Wicked.
Sep.30.2008 Robin Meade is stalkable
Some people are way into Robin Meade, apparently. Including this kid, who stalked her so hard that she had to get a restraining order on him. That’s Robin on the right, with alleged “sexy legs”.
A Maine man showed up outside CNN’s Atlanta headquarters earlier this month, claiming anchorwoman Robin Meade used on-air body language to tell him to travel to Atlanta, according to a police report.
Atlanta police have not arrested Gregory Fitzgerald, 32, of Lewiston, Me., but advised Meade to seek a restraining order against him, the police report said.
Apparently, CNN or Meade followed through. Fitzgerald was served with a restraining order before he returned to Maine, said his stepfather, Paul Stufflebeam of Lewiston.
“He’s a good kid,” Stufflebeam said. “He’s never hurt anybody. He doesn’t have an aggressive bone in his body.”
Fitzgerald told Stufflebeam that he was flying to Atlanta to spend time with a woman he met on the Internet and had been chatting with her for a couple years, Stufflebeam said.
I can think of one aggressive bone. It rhymes with “penis”.
I like the way this kid thinks though. Everybody’s stalking sexy Hollywood starlets, maybe you can go for a more achievable stalking of a hostess of a second rate show on a second rate cable news network (Headline News…come on, that’s hardly CNN). That’s why my courtship of Robert Gray is working out so well.
Sep.30.2008 Your Quote of the Day
New feature. I read so much random bullshit, thought this might be worth doing everyday. NOTE: I just realized I probably shouldn’t do it right after the link post. Whatever, I got excited, screw you.
“His balls come a lot faster,” Dominique Rodgers-Cromartie said. “I ain’t seen no balls like that. Kurt’s ball gets there, but not like that. It messed with me a little bit as far as my technique. I played cautious.”
Sep.30.2008 The September 30 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with the lights off
This is what a man running through 7o fluorescent lights looks like.
-Chelina Manuhutu is the International Babe of the Day
-Lisa Angeline has an illfitting bikini
-Danielle Lloyd skillfully covers her intimate areas in Loaded Magazine
-Alessandra Ambrosio knows how to strip
-Jennifer Aniston looked solid in a bikini
-James Franco is a proud stoner, slightly less proud sodomite
-Silly fat guy tricks (w/ video)
-Amanda Bynes looks good walking her dog
-17 other domains John McCain owns (other than VotefortheMILF.com)
-Elisabeth Hasselbeck is sassy. Also busty. Which I like.
-Facebook attention whores
-The 12 hottest Hollywood Jewesses (for Rosh Hashanah)
Sep.30.2008 Armless woman is inspirational, unless you find it hilarious
Stuff like this is always tough for me because on one hand, it shows triumph over adverse situations and that should inspire me to persevere. On the other hand, this armless lady is doing crazy shit with her feet and she looks ridiculous. So I’m torn.
In related news, I would not eat anything this lady made for me. I prefer my stir fry to not have athlete’s foot, if it all possible.
Also, I’d like to see the highlight reel of her learning how to do all these things. Um. For inspiration. Not because it’d be hilarious to watch a lady tumbling around trying to make a soufflé with her stupid feet. No sir.
Sep.30.2008 Megan Fox is in a bra
The movie promotion for How to Lose Friends and Alienate People seems to consist primarily of removing clothes from Megan Fox and going ta da! Which is cool, primarily because it involves Megan Fox removing clothes…I could give or take the “ta da”.
I haven’t been this titillated by the impending release of a Fall movie since The Grudge 2. What can I say? Something about a waterlogged reanimated body just does it for me.
Sep.30.2008 SITE NEWS: Stuff appears to be slightly less fucked up
Had to do some server stuff but it appears to be working for most people (some people won’t be seeing the current version of the site until the domain transfers over to the new host). If you run into any issues, please email me at roomtonecsATblogofhilarityDOTcom.
Love,
Chris
Your Editor and Paragon of Virtue
