Jul.31.2008 New study says fitness in a pill is possible
Fatties of the world rejoice! A pill that simulates exercise may be not too far away, based on testing on mice that turned them into superstar athletes.
Results published today in the journal Cell show the drugs turn ordinary mice into trim marathon champions. There should be no shortage of volunteers ready see if they do they same in humans.
The two drugs, which go by their scientific names AICAR and GW1516, have two different target demographics: Couch potatoes might consider AICAR, which seems to build endurance and encourage fat burning through the same molecular processes that go on during real exercise. GW1516 may be more for athletes, because it boosted endurance even more but only if the mice did about 30 minutes of treadmill running a day
Study leader Ronald Evans of the Salk Institute started by genetically engineering mice to have unusual physical endurance and a seeming inability to store fat no matter how much they ate. He then studied how the altered gene worked, and sought drugs that would do the same thing.
Evans said he thinks the drugs could have the biggest and most immediate benefit for people with muscular dystrophy, other muscle-wasting diseases, or disabilities that make exercise impossible. But the promise of exercise-in-a-pill will be seductive to everyone from the mildly flabby weekend warrior to the aspiring Olympic medalist.
Honestly, I work out regularly and I’d still take this shit in a heartbeat. Granted, it has to have some sort of horrific side-effect, like it would make my left testicle blow up or something, but the gym is pretty boring and filled with sweaty men. I’d much rather do something in the comfort of my own home. And moderate the number of sweaty men I have coming in and out. Seems like a pretty good deal to me.
The only problem is that fatsos love eating so much, they’d probably eat like 20 of these in one sitting and end up completely disappearing. Wait, did I say “the only problem”? Because that probably makes it even more awesome that we could exterminate them too. Man, this pill has everything I want. If it made me ejaculate too, I’d never need anything else in life ever. Except love. :(
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Jul.31.2008 The July 31 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with yet another reason not to trust a kangaroo
-The definitive Bar Rafaeli bikini picture collection
-Girls are a lot like food. Here’s how
-Naming your energy drink “Pussy” is so scandalous
-The New England Patriots cheerleaders are in China, showing the Chinese how to shake it presumably
LINK OF THE DAY: Marissa Miller is half-naked and oiled up
-Speaking of cheerleaders, I don’t know what Swaziland is but it may have the hottest cheerleader tryouts on Earth
-Giant soccer balls plus small kids is always bound to end in hilarity (w/ video)
-The Little League World Series needs instant replay, because it’s important
-Who are the hottest female fighters alive?
-The greatest wheelchair fight ever (w/ video)
-Fergie is cast as a prostitute…stunner
-11 year-old kills a hog the size of Plymouth Rock. Or at least Fraggle Rock
-Kim Kardashian’s ass comes in many colors
Jul.31.2008 RYTF Thursday: Girls and pets!
Just about every week, we bring you whores doing stupid things on YouTube for your attention in a section I like to call Random YouTube Fetish. This week, some of the best videos on the Internet of girls petting cute little animals! Awwww so cute! And arousing! This is the most confusing erection I’ve had since that unfortunate incident with my proctologist.
This one is great because the girl is very attractive and it appears that her puppy is put into a microwave. Must be a viral marketing campaign for some sort of delicious animal recipes. Tanning and a snack, how delicious!
I like big dogs because they’re so cute and big and dumb and I like small girls because they’re so cute and little and dumb, so this seems like a perfect marriage of two great tastes that go great together. Also I used to jerk off to Clifford the Big Red Dog, so bonus for me.
Our only cat video of the bunch, unfortunately. This video’s pretty cool because it has an artistic vibe too. Because she’s in a white dress and the kittens are black. It’s like black on blonde porn, just with slightly less deep-dicking.
Here’s two girls in bed with their pooch. Note the one in the pink barking at the dog. I make girls bark all the time in bed. Then I take them for a walk and make them pee on a fire hydrant. Look, I’m not saying I don’t like odd things, I just try to let you into my world. Whatever. Judgey.
Here’s a video of a cute chick and her dog with more jump cuts than a Michael Bay movie. Kissing your dog is cute until you think about the fact that his mouth probably tastes like the girls in the 2 girls 1 cup video.
And of course, you have to close out with a dog humping a woman (uh, not in the beastiality sense). Because dogs…so like us.
Jul.31.2008 Jennifer Aniston must be cold
I’m starting to think that Jennifer Aniston tweaks her nipples before going out just to get people to post images of her. It’s like 100 degrees out wherever she is and it looks like she’s frigid more ways than emotionally. Anyway, that seems to suit John Mayer pretty well.
“John has such an amazing crew of musicians and friends with him. Everyone gets along and is drama free and Jen fits right in – perfectly,” says a Mayer friend. “Everyone really loves her.”
At a recent concert in Chula Vista, Calif., Mayer’s girlfriend continued to be the subject of fans’ anonymous text messages that were displayed on twin screens between acts. One said, “We want Jennifer Aniston to come out now!!!”
But even if the media coverage is exhausting, the source says Mayer, 30, is happier than ever with Aniston, 39.
“They are very happy together, it’s working really well and they’re only getting closer,” says the Mayer pal. “His friends think she’s great for him.”
That’s a pretty nice thing for John’s friend to say. It’s pretty convenient that some friend of John’s went to People and said exactly the opposite of what Jen’s reputation is. You know, the one of her being clingy and needy and unlikeable and kind of crazy. It’s pretty great that John was able to strike up such a great friendship with Jen’s publicist.
This is also a real feel good story in another way. It’s great to see Maggie Gyllenhaal getting a new line of work after uglying up The Dark Knight. That has to be her in the photos below, right? It must have gotten too hard to have her on set, what with the cameras and monitors always shattering after being forced to bear her reflection.
Jul.30.2008 Bear gets head stuck in jug, officials help by shooting it
This story just made me sad. A bear had its head stuck in a jug and then it got gunned down in its prime.
Minnesota wildlife officials tried for six days to capture a bear that had a plastic jar stuck over its head, but ended up killing the animal after it wandered into a city during a festival.
The wild black bear — whose head got stuck inside a 2½-gallon clear plastic jug presumably while foraging for food — ambled into the city of Frazee, about 200 miles northwest of the Twin Cities, during the town’s busy Turkey Days celebration.
“When it got into town, our main concern was public safety,” said Rob Naplin, the Department of Natural Resources’ area wildlife supervisor in Park Rapids.
While the bear could breathe, it couldn’t eat or drink and was likely suffering from dehydration and hunger. “I’m sure there was high anxiety and frustration with its predicament,” Naplin said.
In the six days that followed the initial sighting of the bear, officials tried to trap it and tranquilize it in numerous locations, but to no avail.
By the time the animal showed up in Frazee, conservation officers decided it needed to be killed to avoid conflicts with humans.
“Oh bother,” said the bear, before being shot in the fucking face by some assholes whose job it is to catch wildlife yet can’t stop a BEAR WITH A JAR ON ITS HEAD. Seriously, how impotent do you have to be to not be able to stop a bear with a jar on its head? You could probably just have one guy kneeled over behind him and then shove him over. HE HAS A JAR ON HIS HEAD.
I am curious though as to how the bear got the jar on his head. Did he really go after some honey, like I’d assume? Or maybe he wandered into a jar factory and the jar was built around his head? Or maybe he was born that way? Perhaps he’s a supervillain, a bear version of Spiderman’s enemy Mysterio? This bear’s death leaves a lot of unanswered questions. And uneaten picnic baskets. Enjoy your sandwiches while they last, you bastards.
Jul.30.2008 14 year-old Ali Lohan already meeting with porn directors
You think Lindsay Lohan is a trainwreck? Well her younger sister Ali is ready, willing, and able to surpass all expectations of a Lohan, already having met with a porn director.
Dina Lohan is ready to roll heads, after learning from TMZ that her 14-year-old daughter had a casting call with a big-time, award winning porn director.
Ali Lohan’s rep tells us the girl had no idea that Peter Davy was behind such classics as “Breast Wishes 14″ and “Bun Busters 12.” Sources tell us the meeting was actually set up by Ali’s agent. Apparently, no one gave Dina a heads up — pardon the expression.
Officially, Dina is upset. Unofficially, we know she went nuclear.
Well, in the porn director’s defense, if anything is going to stretch a girl’s acting chops, it’s getting her “buns busted”. Anal sex has brought many an actor to their apex. People loved Brokeback Mountain.
14 does seem a little young to get into porn though. There are child labor laws, Mr. Davy. Keep the sex with teenagers limited to off-camera ventures.
Jul.30.2008 The July 30 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy now with actual content
So I’m going to try different stuff here to get you assholes to actually click the links I sweat over to provide for you. Today is an awesome faceplant bike clip. Tomorrow? Who knows!
-Hot chicks love McDonalds (w/ video)
-I don’t know who Carolina Ardohain is but she’s the hottest thing on the Internet today, guaranteed
-Women suck at driving
-Erie cheerleaders have much to offer
LINK OF THE DAY: All you need to know about beer bongs
-An extremely attractive Auburn football fan disrobes
-Dina Lohan gets kicked out of parties
-This year’s Olympics should be tranny-free
-Judge Judy didn’t take to yesterday’s earthquake well (w/ MUST SEE video)
-Job search Web site remind you of your misery
-The cuter the animal, the more brutal the death (w/ scientific graphiness)
-Why can’t Grid Girls have outfits that cover up their ample cleavage?
-Monkey and goat make sweet sweet love (w/ humorous unsexy video)
