May.30.2008 Google’s new logo is kind of gay
So I’m hanging out on the ol’ Internet today and I see that Google’s “FavIcon” (the little logo that appears next to a bookmark or tab on your browser) has changed. And it’s fucking awful looking.
It just looks feminine to me. Like I should be browsing for slender hairless men named Jorge to pleasure me. Or maybe reading a blog about how men suck and I should enjoy the time I spend with my female friends because that’s the best relationship I’ll ever have. And then my anus started bleeding though, not gonna lie, that may be unrelated.
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May.30.2008 Obama can’t catch a religious break
Just when Democratic presumptive nominee Barack Obama gets over his one minister situation, another one comes a-creepin’ up. Now another minister at an Obama church said silly things about race.
Another Chicago minister is causing headaches for Barack Obama after he told the congregation at the Democratic candidate’s church on Sunday that Hillary Clinton felt entitled to the presidency because she’s white.
Michael Pfleger, a Catholic priest, issued a formal apology for his sermon Thursday after Obama put out a statement saying he was “deeply disappointed” by Pfleger’s remarks at Trinity United Church of Christ in Chicago.
“When Hillary was crying … I really don’t believe it was put on. I really believe that she just always thought ‘This is mine. I’m Bill’s wife. I’m white. And this is mine’,” he said, shouting at times. “Then out of nowhere came, ‘Hey I’m Barack Obama’. And she said, ‘Oh damn! Where did you come from? I’m white! I’m entitled! There’s a black man stealing my show’!”
After that, he simulated Clinton crying and then said: “She wasn’t the only one crying. There was a whole lot of white people crying … I’m sorry. I don’t wanna get you in any more trouble. The live streaming just went out again.”
It’s kind of funny. He has a black minister who turns out to be racist and crazy so he stops going there. Then he gets this white dude, and he says things that are also about whitey holding the black man down. Except he’s white. So it’s like…at what point does Barack Obama just go “ALRIGHT FUCK THIS CHURCH BULLSHIT”? Unless he is indeed a SECRET MUSLIM! Perhaps Jesus himself is putting these ministers up to this, then! Which is weird because you’d think Jesus would be liberal what with the sandals and scraggly facial hair and penchant for helping bums, but you’d be wrong.
May.30.2008 Sex and the City opens today
OMG LADIESSSSSS IT IS THE DAY WE HAVE ALL BEEN WAITING FORRRRRR. Carrie, Samantha, that dykey one who’s actually a dyke, and the kind of cute brunette whose character sucks are all back for one last romp filled with shoes, sex with guys way too hot for them, and boredom. But the good news…Sarah Jessica Parker turns in the finest equestrian performance since that horse that played Seabiscuit.
And fortunately, if people say it, a Web site is made for it. Meet SarahJessicaParkerLooksLikeAHorse.com, arguably THE source for all your SJP/horse comparison photos. It seems extra timely since today, everywhere I look is Sarah Jessica Parker’s neighing face, taunting me. “GO SEE MY MOVIE EEEEEHHHAWWWWWW”…wait is that a donkey? “BRRRRR SEE MY MOVIE”…hmm, might be more of a cold horse. I dunno, fuck you guys, you know how a horse sounds.
Anyway enjoy the movies bitches and homos.
May.30.2008 The May 30 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with another double knockout video
–Two men enter a cage…no men leave (w/ video). [On205th]
–Angelina Jolie is a lucky gal. [Best Celeb Gossip]
–Sports bloggers may be less sucky at life than previously indicated. [Hugging Harold Reynolds]
–Busted Coverage did/is doing a 24 hour bikini special. Honestly, I couldn’t even write letters of the alphabet for 24 hours straight. [Busted Coverage]
–Hugh Hefner’s son Marston seems like kind of a douche, according to an interview with GQ. [CollegeOTR]
May.29.2008 Schoolyard one-punch knockouts amuse me
I love when kids who I don’t know get hurt and then embarrassed in a public forum. FF to 1:22 in here to see the knockout of the century. Eat a dick Kimbo Slice (just joking Kimbo, please don’t hurt me, I bruise like a peach. Sexy peach, but a peach nonetheless).
Not to go back to Kimbo because I’m pretty sure he would both hurt and rape me, but maybe this kid can be the new Kimbo? Not the one who did the punching, the one who got knocked the fuck out. Like…let’s get him into a MMA ring and just see what happens. Maybe give him a lesson or two just so he doesn’t like die, but eh, not really necessary. It’d just be fun to see him get knocked out/submitted in various ways, then have his mook friends yell at the MMA fighters for being too rough. He’d be a huge draw. HUUUUUGE. GIVE ME A MIXED MARTIAL ARTS COMPANY NOW!!!
May.29.2008 Clay Aiken impregnates chick I don’t know
Do you like gay guys creating children? Today’s your lucky day!
TMZ has learned Clay Aiken is going to be a daddy. In case you didn’t process that, Clay Aiken is going to be a daddy.
Here’s what we know. Multiple sources tell us the mother is Jaymes Foster, a record producer and Clay’s best friend. He lives at her home when he’s in L.A.
We’re told 50-year-old Foster, who produced several Aiken CDs, is due in August. She’s the sister of record mogul David Foster. She divorced a few years back and has no kids. Aiken is 29.
Don’t get your hopes up though (assuming you pin your hopes on fruits fucking women and reproducing). TMZ is also saying it was artificial insemination. Probably not done with Clay’s turkey baster. No way he’d ever eat turkey again.
Also how did this 50 year-old bitch get pregnant? I thought after like 40, or at least 45, your womb turned into like an old attic with cobwebs and my crazy retarded cousin Merle to whom we feed garbage and fish heads because fuck him, he doesn’t know what’s going on, though he’s oddly skilled at Guitar Hero. That’s part of why my Presidential platform is going to include mandatory extermination for all women over 46 who can’t bake me delicious cookies. Now I don’t even know what issues I’m running on. Fuck you Clay Aiken.
May.29.2008 Wow, Kirk Douglas. Wow.
Kirk Douglas likes to give back to the community. Take a look at this photo from a recent playground donation.
The photo caption:
Actor Kirk Douglas tries-out a playground slide at Lillian Elementary School in Los Angeles Wednesday, May 28, 2008, after he and his wife donated their 400th playground renovation to schools in the Los Angeles Unified School District. The 91-year-old Douglas and his wife Anne have donated a renovation a week over an 11-year period beginning in 1997. The couple provides a grant of $25,000 per playground, with the school’s parents or supporters matching the amount in money or services.
But that just seems shortsighted. Marketers, take heed, you now have an image to use for an exciting new campaign. In fact, if you have any product marketed towards seniors, feel free to steal this:
Slide into Senility!
You’re welcome. Royalty checks should be made out to Chris Is Awesome, Incorporated. We also do covers for porn films. It’s all about diverse offerings.
