Apr.02.2008 Chris Farley’s friends are dicks
A new book about the death of Chris Farley is coming out and some stuff from it has been leaked. Main takeaway so far: Chris Farley’s friends kind of suck.
The book by Farley’s brother Tom Farley and Tanner Colby quoted several of the actor’s friends, who saw the tragedy coming a mile down the line. Excerpts from “Last Days” will run in May’s Playboy, which hits newsstands Friday.
Former “Saturday Night Live” star Chevy Chase recalled how he dressed down Farley while preparing for a reunion show: “Look, you’re not John Belushi. And when you overdose or kill yourself, you will not have the same acclaim that John did . . . You’ll be a blip in the New York Times obituaries page, and that’ll be it. Is that what you want?”
Farley’s sidekick David Spade said he’s still taking heat for failing to save Tommy Boy: “I got a lot of s - - - at the end about ‘Why weren’t you there for him?’ But being that close, I dealt with it all the time. And in that situation, before the guy’s dead, he’s just kind of an a - -hole. Truth is, you get a junkie who’s wasted all the time and moody and angry and trying to knock you around, you say, ‘OK, you go do that, and I’ll be over here.’
Chevy Chase is kind of a prick. When I was in like fourth grade, he was at some reading thing I went to for school. And my parents asked him for an autograph but he just ran by and said he didn’t have time. But he had time. At that same event, I got something signed by Christie Brinkley. She totally wanted my unable-to-ejaculate hairless genitals in her face. I could tell.
Oh yeah Chris Farley. Whatever he was a fat druggy. But he kind of was your friend. So maybe just going “BAH YOU’RE NOT TALENTED” or just leaving him alone isn’t the greatest idea. And yes, he’s big and, if you’re David Spade-sized, that might not be too easy to control. But if you’re a friend, you’ve got to be creative. I’d buy a big polar bear that would smack him in the head every time he tried to drink or do drugs. How would I get the bear to smack him in the head? Two words: Salmon hat. I would have been such a great rehab counselor…if it weren’t for the whole giving cocaine to female addicts for blowjobs. But other than that…pretty great.
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