Jan.22.2008 Maggots + your eyes = not good
Nothing is skeevier than maggots. Oh ho ho unless they’re in your eyes as the result of a negligent nursing home!
A Volusia County nursing home resident who was found with maggots in one of his eyes, an infected breathing tube, a partially inserted cathater and bed sores has died, according to his family.
Anthony Digiannurio, of Deltona, was 82 years old when he was transported in November from the University Center West nursing home to Florida Hospital DeLand, where staff members discovered the ailments.
It is not known if the cause of death was related to the aforementioned conditions.
I’m no detective, but I think having a shoddy operation that allows poorly inserted, infected tubes and maggots building up between people’s eyes might not be the best way to living a long and healthy life. Hmm. Perhaps I am a detective.
Then again, old people are fucking ridiculous. He probably put those maggots behind his eyes because that was how they used to cure cholera in the Vaudeville days. Then he was waiting for his best dame to go see a talky with him, but she was busy doing the ‘23 skidoo with Bob Mathers. Bob Mathers is such a prick.
Jan.22.2008 Elle Fanning is in the creepiest video you’ll see today
Soulja Boy’s “Crank Dat” (or is it “That”? I don’t know how to spell my ebonics any more) is the backdrop for a YouTube of Elle Fanning (Dakota’s little sister) pictures and video.
I will never applaud the Supermanning of hoes under the age of 18. They should be Batmanned at most. Flashed, ideally. Wait no not like that. I meant like the superhero. Please don’t arrest me :(
Jan.22.2008 Sorry fat kids, no more free McDonalds for you
Apparently McDonalds was advertising on school report cards, which is pretty smart. But they’re not going to do it any more, in Florida at least.
“This is a good day for parents and children in Seminole County and anyone who believes that corporations should not prey on children in schools,” said Dr. Susan Linn, director of the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood. “We are pleased that McDonald’s is listening to parents all over the country who believe that report cards should not be commercialized.”
On the jackets, McDonald’s offered a free happy meal to any student with all A’s and B’s, two or fewer absences, or good behavior in a given academic quarter. Susan Pagan, an area parent, notified the Campaign for a Commercial-Free Childhood, and an all-out public-relations battle ensued by early December. According to the campaign, the school district received more than 2,000 calls of protest.
“In the absence of needed government regulation to protect schoolchildren from predatory companies like McDonald’s, the burden is on parents to be vigilant about exploitative marketing aimed at children,” Ms. Linn said. “One parent can make a difference. There is no doubt that the Seminole County ads would have continued — and violated McDonald’s pledge to stop advertising in elementary schools — had one parent not called attention to the problem.”
I don’t think “predatory” is the right way to phrase this, Ms. Linn. It’s not like McDonalds was giving kids a cheeseburger, then fingering them. So let’s keep that in perspective.
And yeah, maybe giving kids fatty foods in exchange for their good work isn’t the best idea. But maybe selling space on report cards to a company that profits from the sale of fatty foods is also not the best idea. We’ve all made mistakes.
Kids need rewards though, so I have to commend McDonalds. What I do with my kid, by which I mean the fat kid I keep in my basement, is tie a hamburger to a string and dangle it in front of his face. The key is that the hamburger is just outside of his reach, so he can never grab it. Parenting’s pretty easy, so long as you have a decent amount of string.
Jan.22.2008 TUMBLRGATE: This is what David Karp looks like
I had only read this profile of David Karp in the Observer on my RSS feed and, as a result, somehow missed this included photo of 21 year-old David Karp, the dude behind Tumblr.
I’m not going to say that Tumblr got a lot less cool to me when I saw this photo. I’m not going to say that I’ll be abandoning Tumblr now. But I will say that I’d certainly prefer to never have to look at David Karp again.
In fact, I’m going to go on the record now. I think I’m one of the 100 most attractive men who are doing anything Internet-related (I’d go top-50, but I’m a conservative gambler). That excludes gay pornographers. Damn those twinks are sexy.
Jan.22.2008 John Travolta will defend Tom Cruise’s honor
John Travolta is known to love taking up the back of men, so it’s no surprise that he leaped to the defense of Scientology pal Tom Cruise.
John Travolta is coming to the aid of friend – and fellow Scientologist – Tom Cruise following last week’s leaked video.
The much-discussed clip, still making the rounds on the Web, shows the Mission: Impossible megastar praising the Church of Scientology and saying that followers have “the ability to create new and better realities.” (His rep says the footage was filmed for a private church event in 2004.)
Travolta, 53, claims the intense media scrutiny has gone too far. “[Tom] has – we all have – the right to practice how we feel,” he told PEOPLE Saturday at Australia.com’s G’Day L.A. gala celebrating Australia Week 2008. “It finally becomes unfair.”
Travolta’s tone lightened considerably, however, when asked about Olivia Newton-John, who was on hand to perform at the event (which honored Kylie Minogue for her humanitarian work). “We see each other a couple of times a year,” he gushed of his Grease costar. “I love seeing her. She’s awesome.”
Yeah, I’m sure you love seeing a woman, John. Of course, only a woman missing a boob. One step closer to getting read of all those nasty female bits!
On the plus side, it is nice to have a male friend whom you can talk about Xenu with, then pump chock full of Thetans. Yeah. Leaving a load of Thetans on their back, then throw them a towel to wipe them off with. That’s what friends are for. Leaving a Thetan map of Hawaii on an associate’s back. It’s poetry.
Jan.22.2008 So hey, let’s catch up!
I’m well aware that over the past month or so I’ve taken quite a few days off. And I’m posting with perhaps a bit less consistency than I had before. But the quality is still pretty high-level, eh? Remember when I called that girl fat? Pretty funny right???
Also, I figured that the best way to celebrate our nation’s most prominent Black man would be for me to sit around, do nothing, and get high. Perhaps cut a rap album. Oh ho ho this racism is killing me.
Cloverfield was fucking amazing from a filmmaking standpoint. It’s quick, it’s unique, and it was arguably the best-marketed film I’ve ever seen. And it’s now a record-breaker in terms of box office revenue. Conversely, Rambo comes out this weekend. I’ll go see it, but I’m anticipating some awfulness.
Additionally, the dude who plays Hud in Cloverfield was on Opie and Anthony on Friday and was extremely entertaining. He’s probably the one dude from the moviewho has a real future in front of him in acting. He could easily play the funny buddy in every romantic comedy or guy movie to be made over the next fifteen years.
Coincidence that mere days after I launch my Tumblr, (My Adventures in Cuntery, only at Cuntery.com), people are getting this error message:
We’ll be back shortly.
Some of our servers are offline today while we make some infrastructure changes. Access to Tumblr may be intermittent until tomorrow (Monday) night.
Our deepest apologies for the inconvenience! Please check back in a few minutes.
Chris = Ratings. Don’t you ever forget that.
I’m taking a break from The Blogbudsman on Epic Carnival for a bit. After receiving some nice praise from around the sports blogosphere, I don’t want to write something just to write it. And I always want to be able to come out guns-a-blazin’. So when I do return, expect something vitriolic!
And, on a personal tome, girls are always a pain. No matter how old, no matter how well you handle them, it always degenerates to the same shit. I’ll never write about it on here (though there’s a decent chance the ol’ Tumblr will get some drunken or stoned rants), but seriously. Seriously? But I’ll save you from my emo cuntery.
Back to the regular schedule today. I’m sure there’ll be something uproarious for us all to guffaw the day away.
Jan.22.2008 The January 21 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with you picking on Lindsay Lohan
–Lindsay Lohan was nominated for two Razzies. This comes on the heels of everyone in my office mocking me for saying I’d absolutely sleep with her, no questions asked. Not to get all Chris Crocker (that was the dude’s name right?) but leave Lindsay alone. Lindsay baby, come here. Let me heal your pains with several minutes of mild satisfaction. [The Superficial]
–Britney Spears’ problem is that she’s a large black football player. [on205th]
–MJD is now over at Yahoo Sports. Which seems like a good idea to me. Follow the Jamie Mottram is probably an ideal strategy (COUGHHIREMEJAMIECOUGH). [Yahoo Sports]
–Pamela Anderson looks fucked up. Borat would not be pleased. [Dlisted]
–You had me at “new Chuck Palahniuk movie”. [FilmDrunk]
–CUNTERY! CUNTERY CUNTERY CUNTERY! [Cuntery]
