Jan.31.2008 My Gay Roommate: Of weaves and clogged drains
I’m not a homophobe, but I have ample reason to want to Matthew Shepherd my gay roommate. Here’s today’s reason why.
Cutting his wig hair (made of real human hair!) directly into the drain, causing the sink to clog up with even the slightest introduction of water. I should also note that this has happened several different times with several different colors of hair. Drag much?
I seriously may as well live with an Italian woman for all the hair in the drain and time spent in the bathroom. Haha you bitches is hairy!
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Jan.31.2008 Frankie Muniz finds relationships difficult
I know that people come here primarily to read about Frankie Muniz, so it’s my civic duty to report that he is single..ish. And not over his ex-fiancee. Excited? Well read on, my friend!
Muniz, 22, explained: “I am not engaged anymore. I’m still with her … kinda.”
“It’s a very awkward situation,” he adds. “But we’re best, best, best friends. And if there was anyone in the world that I wanted to be with, it’d be her. With the racing, it’s very difficult, the traveling around.”
Muniz, who appeared at the Hard Rock Café in Universal City for Wednesday’s press conference, is in his third year as a professional racecar driver, and second year with the team. But what does he think of his fellow celebrity racecar drivers?
“I don’t want to sound conceited, but I don’t think there has been an actor or celebrity-turned-racecar driver that has made it as high up on the racecar circuit as I have,” he says. “So I don’t think there’s anyone who can keep up with me. And that’s just me being honest.
“I want to race Michael Schumacher, seven-time world champion. And I can compete with him.”
You know what kind of annoys me? That Frankie Muniz continues to exist. I can only assume that’s the stark realization that his ex-fiancee, Jamie Gandy, faced one morning. Can you imagine waking up to that little prick talking about wanting to be the world’s greatest race car driver or how he scored ten points in the Celebrity NBA league? I’d probably shank him with a high heeled shoe.
Yes I’m slightly bothered by the fact that this little cunt will never have to work another day in his life because he got to play himself on a TV show and some shitty James Bond-tween ripoff films. If I could give the gift of rectal cancer to one person, it’d be Frankie Muniz. I’d even wrap it in really nice wrapping paper because just because I hate him and am giving him rectal cancer is no excuse for poor manners.
Jan.31.2008 Heath Ledger? Drugs? No way!
A week or so after his passing, the Post is digging up all the Heath Ledger drug history you can stomach. Yeehaw!
HEATH Ledger had become a regular user of cocaine and heroin in the past year, getting so high on drugs that an exasperated Michelle Williams was forced to boot him out of their Brooklyn home, The Post has learned.
“She couldn’t take it any more. Heath wouldn’t show up for two to three days, and all of a sudden he would show up on her doorstep, an absolute wreck,” a member of Ledger’s entourage who did drugs with him told The Post’s Lorena Mongelli. “He was partying, doing drugs. She didn’t like the company he was keeping. She gave him an ultimatum. . . . and threatened to get custody of the girl. He wanted to make it work, but it was this scene he was wrapped up in. Was he an addict? Yeah.”
The revelation comes as “Entertainment Tonight” and “The Insider” said that “out of respect for Heath Ledger’s family,” they would drop plans to air a video of Ledger snorting cocaine with a rolled-up bill at the Chateau Marmont. The video was taped without Ledger’s knowledge following the SAG Awards two years ago. PageSix.com reports that Ledger quips on the tape, “I’m gonna get so much [bleep] from my girlfriend. We have a baby together, Matilda.”
So you really expect me to believe that a 28 year-old who died suddenly was actually using illegal drugs? And he may not have died of natural causes? Suuuuure. That just sounds like crazy talk!
I’m thinking this is just another clever ploy by that evil genius Mary Kate Olsen to hide the fact that she MURDERED HEATH LEDGER. I will go on record* and say that Mary Kate Olsen committed murder. Murder most foul. Was it jealousy over the fact that she couldn’t play the Joker? Was it because Heath Ledger had crushed her brittle cervix? I don’t have all the answers friends. But when you see an Olsen twin in a dark alley, run the other way. For Heath.
*in the sense that I’m currently standing atop my vinyl copy of the Space Jam soundtrack
Jan.31.2008 How do we solve economy problems? Guns, duh
Well, at least if you’re West Virginia and you realize that your hunting revenue is down significantly. Not only do you look to guns for answers, you look to guns with children as a solution. Pretty clever! Legislators are contemplating offering hunting training in school to help turn a new generation of children on to the simple joys of blasting an adorable animal in the face for daring to live its life in an area in which men are allowed to shoot them. Logical! [AP/Yahoo]
Jan.31.2008 Tasers are fun and educational
I kind of love Break.com for finding this fine collection of people testing out some type of taser. Unfortunately, the only way to really test a taser is to take the shock yourself. So, you can imagine the treats within, all with nary a shout of “Don’t tase me bro.”
Is there any way to make a taser more gay than have four men holding hands while taking a taser shot? I guess maybe tasing the old dudes in the Lemon Party photo would be a bit gayer (and feature more uncomfortable biting), but jeez, if you’re going to do something badass like getting tased for no reason, you may as well go all the way with it.
Though I guess that’d be a good way to finally make a move on the male friend you’ve always wanted. “Oh boy, they’re going to tase us both! Hold my hand. Mmm.” Then you share the electricity. And not just from the taser because love is just magical like that. With gay dudes, magical like Merlin and Criss Angel meeting and tapping their wands against each other delicately.
Jan.31.2008 Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert are friends
Sometimes celebrity news is kind of like mad libs. That was my first thought when I saw that Paris Hilton and Elisha Cuthbert were caught making out in public. Actually my first thought was “Niiiiiiiice.” But my second thought was definitely the mad libs thing.
Paris Hilton and actress Elisha Cuthbert were “all over each other and making out” at New York’s Tenjune club Tuesday night, a source tells Usmagazine.com.
“Who knew?” says the source of the unlikely pairing.
Hilton, 26, and Cuthbert, 25, didn’t arrive at Tenjune together. Hilton was there for a birthday party and was seen dancing on banquets. “It’s Paris,” says the source. “She loves putting on a show.”
Given the size difference between these two (apparently, Paris Hilton is seven feet tall), it’s not unfeasible that Paris Hilton raped Elisha Cuthbert just to get some headlines. And if that now falls under the umbrella of “putting on a show” then I guess the dudes who introduced Jodie Foster to the pool table in The Accused are the greatest performers since the Smothers Brothers.
Call me crazy, but I think this is the kind of celebrity relationship I can get behind. Particularly with video footage. This a feel-good story that we need more of. Less dead Heath Ledger and lunatic Britney and more hot broads engaging in lesbian pleasure. These are the kind of radical ideas I bring to blogging. USA USA USA!
Jan.31.2008 The January 31 Hot Link Orgy
The hottest orgy with a fuckable Avril Lavigne
–Avril Lavigne is looking pretty breastful in this bikini. Breasty? Boobalicious? These should all be real words. [Egotastic]
–Former Dukeschebag JJ Redick is not happy with his role for the Orlando Magic so he’s asking for a trade. [Fan IQ]
–Gloria Velez is an attractive female with the couch-like qualities of Kim Kardashian but with 70% less goatness. [Hottest Girls of Myspace]
–New England Patriots coach Bill Belichick will not be pleased by this indignation. [on205th]
–Christina Ricci got sexually assaulted by an ape. Amazing. [Snarky Gossip]
