Nov.30.2007 Evel Knievel is dead
Evel Knievel died in a way that he would absolutely have not wanted…like a weak old man with a pulmonary problem. God that must suck, to be the world’s most renowned daredevil and to die like that. At that point, I’d probably just throw myself in a bus and drive it off a cliff. When I’d die, I’d die TO THE EXTREME! And I’d give all the credit to our friends at Mountain Dew. Dew or Die. That’s the kind of amazing product placement I give here…contact me advertisers, I have no scruples! [SI.com]
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Nov.30.2007 Nothing lasts forever. Especially if it involves dating Lindsay Lohan
So Lindsay Lohan just broke up with her rehab boyfriend Riley Giles.
Lindsay Lohan and Riley Giles, the 25-year-old snowboarder she met while seeking treatment at Utah’s Cirque Lodge, have ended their relationship, sources confirm to PEOPLE.
“They’re over – they’ve broken up,” a source says. “They split after Thanksgiving weekend.”
Adds another source: “She is concentrating on her life and her career.”
A week after his daughter had left Cirque Lodge, Lindsay’s father, Michael Lohan, told PEOPLE about Giles: “He’s a great, great kid. If you met him, you’d like him.”
I always thought that relationships built with engaged guys while trapped in rehab couldn’t fail. But apparently, I’m just too much of a dreamer. Relationships built around mutually deciding that you don’t want to snort cocaine into your anus to get it into your bloodstream faster tend to wilt even faster than you’d think.
On the plus side, this now frees Lindsay up to do more work on her album. Which is great for all of us because, as you know, an artist like Lindsay performs the best when under tremendous emotional strain. I’m looking forward to her hot new song, “I Miss Your Cocaine Jizz.” It’s not as much of a clubbanger as “Puddles of Vomit Are My Pillows” or as jazzy as “My Breasts Are Still Pretty Solid,” but it’s definitely got heart.
Nov.30.2007 Tom Brady and Leonardo DiCaprio are at odds
Occasionally I write for other sites and give them my goodness in the form of transvestite humor. Today, Epic Carnival gets my fair hand.
Hmm, so apparently, there’s trouble a-brewing in Tom Brady town. Much like you and me, his problems primarily involve keeping his supermodel girlfriend in check. Oh star athletes… so like us.MORE>>
Nov.30.2007 Hillary Clinton is all about kidnapping
So a breaking story’s happening as we speak involving hostages and presidential intrigue. What am I a reporter or something…someone else can talk about this.
Two people are being held hostage by an armed man at Sen. Hillary Clinton’s campaign office in Rochester, New Hampshire, police said Friday.
Shortly before 2 p.m., police officers had taken positions across the street from the office, some kneeling behind police cruisers with guns drawn.
A witness, Lettie Tzizik, told WMUR she spoke to a woman shortly after she was released from the office by the hostage-taker.
“A young woman with a 6-month or 8-month-old infant came rushing into the store just in tears, and she said, ‘You need to call 911. A man has just walked into the Clinton office, opened his coat and showed us a bomb strapped to his chest with duct tape,’” the Web site reported.
My guess? Disgruntled nutcracker buyer.
Seriously though, would you put it past Hillary, given her track record, to have orchestrated this to garner sympathy for her campaign? Or to make it look like she’s this powerful target that “powers that be” are looking to take down to appeal to the liberal conspiracy nut types that think 9/11 was orchestrated by the government? I’m just hypothesizing but either her campaign has security detail done by apes wearing top hats or something’s a bit off with this story. And while I love to believe a good “apes in top hats” story, I don’t think there’s on here. Unfortunately.
Nov.30.2007 Smart girls can be deceptively attractive
I think that’s the main takeaway from this new Dig a Tech Girl site. The whole thing is about objectifying these girls involved in the tech world and Silicon Valley and, while I of course approve of anything involving objectification of women, I’m skeptical. Primarily because some of these girls are totally using MySpace Voodoo (you know…the tricks marginally attractive or fat girls use to look slightly okay on MySpace). See for yourself. [Dig a Tech Girl via Buzzfeed]
Nov.30.2007 Lawyers are such fags
You know who my heart breaks for the most in society? Those poor overworked lawyers.
Even lawyers need a hug. When workdays stretch into worknights and the pressure to meet the quota for billable hours grows, lawyers and staff members at the firm of Perkins Coie can often expect a little bonus.
“That’s the whole beauty of it all — it’s random acts of kindness,” said Lori Anger, client relations manager of Perkins Coie, which is based in Seattle. “We have pretty strict hours, so it’s a nice way to surprise people.”
“Forget the pet insurance and concierge services: that’s setting up people’s lives, and I find that appalling,” said Mitchell S. Roth, a principal at Much Shelist Denenberg Ament & Rubenstein, a comparatively small firm based in Chicago. “The perk we offer in our world is a culture of collegiality and training.”
Still, Mr. Roth acknowledged that Much Shelist occasionally brought in a masseuse.
“It’s for morale,” he said.
Collegiality, training, and happy endings. Frankly, I don’t know what else you can ask for from a job.
Oh yeah, you could also ask for the $50,000 bonuses that associates in some of the firms profiled in the Times piece receive. Those might also help. Honestly, I really don’t think you need a masseuse or hugs or pet insurance (another perk mentioned in the article) to be cool with your soulless, life-draining job. All I look for is a job that can keep me clothed in golden bathrobes and bathing in spices that Columbus was trying to get when sailing the blue blue oceans. Is that so much to ask?
Good thing all this blog money is rolling in. This week, I’m planning on buying a pack of Bazooka gum with my riches! Bazooka Joe will tell me just what I need to hear. He’s easily the wisest man to ever come with a piece of gum, just barely beating out the Garbage Pail Kids.
Nov.30.2007 Congratulations fatsos, you’re as fat as you’re gonna get
The Center for Disease Control released a study today that seems like good news but totally isn’t. Apparently, America has plateaued in its obesity.
After 25 years of what health officials call an obesity epidemic, American adults finally may be getting a handle on the battle of the bulge, according to federal data released Wednesday.
The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention said 34.3% of adults — or more than 72 million people — were obese in 2005 and 2006. The figures were essentially unchanged from the previous two-year period for the first time since 1980.
“It is great that the problem is not increasing,” said Meir Stampfer, a professor of nutrition and epidemiology at the Harvard School of Public Health. But he added: “This does not mean that the problem is over.”
Glenn Gaesser, an exercise physiologist at the University of Virginia and author of the iconoclastic book “Big Fat Lies,” said there just may be metabolic limit to body weight.
Americans may have finally reached that point. “You can only get so fat,” he said.
The idea of that is awesomely perturbing. That we, as Americans, are now basically so fat that our bodies can’t handle getting any fatter without somehow turning the universe into a black hole. This is what it’s come to.
Frankly, it’s not the American way to roll over and die like this (other than of heart disease, I suppose). We need to work on improving! This plateau crap can’t stand. And if we’re not going to get thinner, clearly we need to eat and eat and eat until this entire country goes underwater. THAT, my friends, is what we call American Ingenuity.
