May.31.2007 Shocker, CNN.com’s bloggers have outdated views
All of our top starlets are having problems managing their lives. Fortunately, CNN’s Showbiz Tonight producer Dave Levine is there with a view that’s completely logical and analogous since rich, hot, young women clearly respond the same way that men with doting Jewish mothers do.
So my mother, Rita, was in town visiting last week. Just as she always does, she pummeled me with her usual questions.
“Are you eating enough? You look a little thin.”
“Oh, Ma!” I said.
“You look a little tired. Are you getting enough sleep?”
“Oh, Ma!” I said.
“And are you still working so much?”
“Oh, Ma!” I said.
And as always, her reply: “Don’t ‘Oh, Ma’ me! I’m still your mother!”
I have to wonder whether Lindsay Lohan’s mother does the same thing. And Paris Hilton’s mother. And Britney Spears’ mother. Because one of the questions that keeps up coming up — as “Young Hollywood” melts down so fast, it’s as if global warming has taken hold in Hollywood — is this: WHERE ARE THE MOTHERS?
Yes, I’m sure Dave Levine being incapable of finding a nice Jewish girl (or being unable to stop finding nice flamboyant men) could be solved by a bit of yenta doting. Hey Lindsay Lohan, got an OxyContin addiction? “You should find a nice husband.” Nicole Richie, too thin? “Eat, eat, you’re nothing but skin and bones.” Paris Hilton, scared of having a potentially volatile cellmate? “Why don’t you stop putzing around and shank her?”
Yes, I’m sure hey would listen to passive aggressive words that are phrased like Yoda’s saying them. They totally wouldn’t just go “Whatever bitch” and go blow Joel Madden or some other scuzzy rock guy. Please send your mother over to Busta Rhymes as well for his problems. Then we can have a theatrical comedy befitting the most ardent fans of mismatched comedy duos. They could even solve a crime about a fellow rapper’s disappearance! Hijinks abound!!!
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