Apr.24.2007 Year One of the Suri Menace: By the numbers
The hottest, most publicized infant in history just turned one. Young Suri Cruise celebrated her first birthday with all the trimmings.
Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes organized a birthday lunch on April 18 at the Cruise compound in Los Angeles, where the entire clan dined on pizza and cupcakes from Sprinkles bakery in Beverly Hills.
“Suri is walking and talking,” says a source close to the family, who adds that dragonfly and butterfly piñatas were part of the entertainment.
The guest of honor – who, Holmes told PEOPLE recently, “loves just being outside right now,” received a gym set for the backyard, according to the source, along with a stack of books, balls and dolls.
Suri’s meteoric rise from the womb to the cover of Vanity Fair is unrivaled. A quick look at Google for “Suri” reveals 6,800,800 results, 320,000 images, and over 50,000 blog hits. This has to be unprecedented coverage for someone still in diapers not named Bob Hope. The Lindbergh baby is incensed and envious, but probably questions young Suri’s staying power.
How can Suri keep the momentum? Shaving her head? Slurring someone’s sexuality and going into rehab? Crotch shots? Global warming campaign? Or will she hit a sophomore slump and end up on “Celebrity Ice Skating” before she even learns that the cow does indeed go moo?
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Apr.23.2007 Ouch Rich Little had a rough go of it
The White House Correspondents’ Dinner is guaranteed to be a tough crowd filled with stuffed-shirts and people who generally don’t have a sense of humor. Many felt that Stephen Colbert was a bit too “edgy” and perhaps too “in their face”, so they decided to go with a safer act in impressionist Rich Little, presumably after finding out that Ray J. Johnson was unavailable.
He started with a couple of Canada (his native country) jokes and a weak Sen. John McCain, which bombed, as did an impression of.Arnold Schwarzenegger, causing him to look at the crowd askance. “You thought Colbert was bad,” he finally joked.
With that he pulled out one of his classics, Johnny Carson, with a joke about lawyers being “assholes,” which drew a laugh from the president, despite the off-color language.
Then he did Andy Rooney asking: “If you overdosed on Viagra how would you get the coffin closed?”
Little followed by doing six presidents, including a man he “loved,” Ronald Reagan. He put in false teeth to play Jimmy Carter saying that when he was a peanut farmer “I had the biggest nuts in the county.”
I think it’s very nice of Little. In light of the recent tragedy at Virginia Tech, President Bush decided he wouldn’t make any jokes at the dinner. Apparently, Little decided to follow suit. Nothing says “fresh” like impressions of several dead people and awful puns, including a head-shaking impression of Nixon in which he said, “I’m having a jowl movement.”
Yes, and I’m tired of Rich Little’s “pacifier” comedy…because it sucks.
Look, I didn’t say the puns were easy. I said they weren’t funny. I’M NOT THE ONE ON TRIAL HERE.
Apr.20.2007 Alec Baldwin is an unstoppable force of hypocrisy
Combined thievery from WWTDD and Gawker. Happy Alec…
Once again, I have made an ass of myself trying to get to a phone. You have made an ass out me of for the last time. Three letters: ABA. A, Always, B, Be, A, Answering. Always be answering. Always be answering. AIDA. Attention. Interest. Decision. Action. Attention. Do I have your attention? Interest. Are you interested? I know you are ’cause it’s pick up the phone or get your ass straightened out. You answer or you get hit with a brick. Decision. Have you made your decision to pick up the phone? And action. AIDA. Pick up the goddamn phone. You got a call coming in, you think I made it because I’ve got nothing better to do? I could be shouting shit at random people on the street, but I’m calling you. I don’t care that you’re twelve or eleven or whatever, are you pig enough to pick it up? I’m a good father, and you’re a pig. I don’t give a shit. Good father. You think this is abuse? You think this is abuse, you thoughtless pain in the ass? AIDA. Get mad you daughter-of-a-bitch. Get mad. You know what it takes to answer my call? It takes brass balls to answer my call. Go and do likewise. The phone is ringing, you pick it up, it’s yours, you don’t, I got no sympathy for you. I’d wish you good luck, but you wouldn’t know what to do with it if you got it. You better be ready Friday the 20th to meet with me. Pig. Oh, also, tell your mother I said “Go fuck yourself.” This is Dad, ring me back when you get a chance.
I’m impressed. The ability to a) incorporate and reimagine a well-known line from one of his high profile movies not once but twice and b) Casually introduce the phrase I will use ad nauseum “Oh, also, tell your mother I said ‘Go f*ck yourself.’” is something that will be hard-pressed to top. Thank you Alec Baldwin for helping the healing of the network behind your career renaissance in 30 Rock.
Apr.20.2007 Apparently everyone’s making a musical these days
With the success of musicals on everything from ABBA to Mary Poppins, finally, a Hero-American will be the focus of one when Spiderman gets his crack at sissying up his brand.
Marvel Studios is putting the pieces together for a musical on the Great White Way starring the popular superhero.
Julie Taymor, who won Tonys for direction and costume design for the Broadway production of “The Lion King,” will direct, with U2’s Bono and the Edge creating new music and lyrics for the project.
Auditions are taking place, and a reading is scheduled for the summer. No dates for a Broadway opening have been set.
Well, it seems like a natural transition for a franchise that may have tapped out its current theatrical potential after the upcoming Spiderman 3. The trend of musicals coming from properties that have less than traditional musical play roots is an interesting, if kind of odd one. However, it’s one that I myself have wanted to tap into.
You see, I had an idea for a musical. A great musical. It would be a satire of other band-based musicals like ABBA’s. I’d call it “Air Supply: A World Without Love” (yes that’s why I’m using an Air Supply picture for this post).
The premise is simple. Air Supply’s two members are more than musicians…they also are modern day Cupids, traveling around the world and bringing love to the loveless. In particular, we have a heroine and a hero who are both incredibly sad but are meant for one another. The only problem is: They’ve never met and live on opposite sides of the country! It’s up to Air Supply to bring them together.
Throughout the musical, the song “All Out of Love” would play in various arrangements (sad, uptempo, violent, crafty) throughout the play so, ideally, we’d only have to pay for the rights to their one hit. Plus, the idea of having that one song mean everything in the show would just be phenomenal and emblematic of the career of the 1980s one (debatable two) hit wonder.
I have more, but if someone’s going to steal from my hard-earned creativity, they have to fill in the blanks (or reach out to me and offer me a lot of money to avoid lawsuits). I’ll be waiting.
Apr.19.2007 This Panda did something newsworthy I guess
This Panda was artificially inseminated and is showing signs of being pregnant or something, according to Prasertsak Boontragulpoontawee, who’s apparently not a fake word made up by Mary Poppins but is a “panda director” at a zoo in Thailand.
Whatever…it’s a panda eating some sort of garishly designed cake made of ice (What the hell? Why are there cakes made of ice and why are they being fed to pandas?). Sometimes, I don’t ask for a reason to post an adorable picture. Ha ha that panda is eating!
Apr.18.2007 This is the kind of discrimination I will not tolerate
Often times, people like to do hurtful things to young women, throwing barbs and marginalizing them. And this past week, one antiquated body has absolutely ruined what should be a joyous moment for several young women. This was supposed to be the triumphant moment of their young lives and, instead, some people with outdated views in the world ruined it. So yeah, I’m a little annoyed that school officials in Louisiana stopped 50 girls from entering their prom due to “inappropriate attire.”
Three days after about 25 girls from a Marrero high school were turned away from their senior prom because adult chaperones said their dresses violated the Jefferson Parish public school system’s policy, district officials are trying to soothe the uproar and said Monday there’s a chance the system might review its rules governing attire.
In an episode that has garnered national media attention, most of the girls were turned away because of an excessive display of cleavage, though the policy also bans clothing that is “tight-fitting” or “see-through.”…
“An apology is not enough,” [said Wayne Melerine], lamenting his daughter’s absence from a high school rite of passage. “This is something that is going to be stuck in her memory for the rest of her life.”
I am outraged. The prom is very important to young women and is a big part of teenage Americana. Who doesn’t think of the prom and its various representations in film and the culmination of young men’s quest to “get some”? Not only are you damaging the young women in these schools who are being discriminated for their supple teenage bosoms, so innocently wrapped in a fabric that can barely contain them…sorry I lost my train of thought. Not only are you damaging these young women, you’re stalling the growth of the young men into leaders of society. How can a young man become a leader when he can’t get a little bit of hot prom action?
But wait, perhaps there’s an even more obvious discrimination against a sect of young women who have been oppressed for far too long. A group of young women who often have dealt with hardships for being different…disrespected and stereotyped for far too long.
Parents lodged several complaints Monday. Some griped that girls whose dresses were equally or more revealing were allowed into the dance and that teachers had approved some of the gowns before the dance but rejected them at the door.
Parents also said that girls with bigger chests have a harder time complying with the dress code.
“There are some breasts you can’t hide in a dress,” parent Laura Fayette said. “You can’t discriminate against a big-breasted woman.”
No Ms. Fayette…no you can’t. We need to cherish these special young women and I personally will do my best to support to these brave young souls in their time of need. I urge any young women with a similar problem to reach out to me, regardless of the time or place. Together, we can make a difference (pending you being 18 or at least close enough where I can have plausible deniability).
Apr.17.2007 MySpace is proving to be lucrative and entertaining
Less than 48 hours of having the Blog of Hilarity MySpace page up, I have to admit, I’m a bit shocked at how quickly you can extend the reach of a brand if you really get after it.
Over 250 friends on there now (with a modest goal of 1000 set for the end of the month). Page views on this site have matched a 28-day high yesterday. I’ve been friended by random people and sent messages about how they just heard about the site. So this should definitely be an interesting experiment as well as one I’ll keep you guys updated on so you have a decent case study of a good way to go about it (Blog of Hilarity…humor…news….resource).
I’d also be remiss if I didn’t point out how I feel as though I’m doing this in a bit more subtle, less-spammy, bordering on classy way. Here’s a message I got from some rapper guy, attempting to capitalize on the shootings yesterday at Va Tech.
Kudos on the add. I love hearing from people who hear my music so make sure you post me a comment on whats your favorite song and some of your opinions of what you hear on the page my motto is music with out a meaning is not music…..
ALSO WITH WHAT HAPPENED TODAY IN VIRGINA PLEASE SPREAD MY SONG THINGS WILL GET BETTER ITS A POWERFULL SONG THAT IM SURE WILL HELP PEOPLE IN THIS TIME OF TRAGEDY TO GET BY WHAT HAS HAPPENNED IN VIRIGINA TODAY MUSIC CAN HELP
SO COME ON BY AND TAKE A LISTEN!!!!!!!!Drop some love
like ya page by the way
-ZETA-
Nothing soothes my worries for those poor Hokies in Virgina and Virigina like “Bump It.” Thanks Zeta.
