Feb.26.2007 Some people won Oscars while others did not
Rather than go through the entire thing and who won and lost and whatever, and because we at the Blog of Hilarity HQ are disappointed that we lacked the ability to screencap last night, I’m here to give you things to watch for today once clips start disseminating of the event last night.
-One of the guys from, I believe, Pirates of the Caribbean accepting an award for Best Achievement in Visual Effects checking out Jessica Biel’s ass, intently, not once but twice. Also, for the record, it’s impossible to double-check on what award she presented. I can find out who made her dress in a heartbeat, but to see what she was there to do…impossible.
-Tobey Maguire and Kirsten Dunst having an awkward moment when he was reading nominations, then she started to read the remainder, leaving him to look at her with his mouth agape, then give her a dirtier scowl than he would give the Green Goblin himself.
-Melissa Etheridge is a lesbian. In case you forgot, she reminded us by kissing her partner on TV after winning the award in the least hot lesbian kiss ever (though her chick is pretty solid).
-There were more accents, British, Latino, and other, than any other awards ceremony ever. But the potential Mexican dominance that would have taken over every headline ultimately withered away after Pan’s Labyrinth’s two award wins.
-Jennifer Hudson is a meaty fluke. Beyonce deliberately blew her off the stage during their performance vocally, physically, and performance-wise just to illustrate that point.
-Eddie Murphy really wanted to win that Oscar. There are a bevy of transvestites in Hollywood strewn all over the streets to prove that point.
-That M and M’s commercial in which all the people were turned into M and M replicas of themselves was the highlight of the night. The Become M and M website is less awe-inspiring, but was fun for a minute.
-Quincy Jones had the loudest jacket on in history. And he was there with his daughter Rashida Jones, also known as Karen from “The Office,” who was also wearing an ungodly outfit. A disappointing showing for the Jones..es…es.
-Clint Eastwood is going to die soon. He was leaning on that podium so hard and seemed to lose himself halfway through his presentation. Him standing there with the guy speaking Italian was unbearably awkward.
-That clip package Will Smith presented made no sense. He talked about Michael Mann, then showed movies he had nothing to do with and closed with a clip of James Brown. Then they didn’t say what the clip package was for.
Overall, a resounding waste of four hours, though fairly entertaining in a goofing on/occasionally interesting (like when that sound effects choir performed, which was awesome) sense. Ultimately superfluous though. Ellen wasn’t awful but didn’t do much. The whole ceremony just seemed middling, much like American film itself. And that’s why the accents are taking over.
I always enjoy seeing such an action, thanks!!