Nov.29.2006 The return of Super Wacky CNN Offbeat News!
Once again, the Blog of Hilarity finds time to point out the hilarious news that only a top-notch humor site like CNN.com can bring you. Offbeat? More like off-kilter! What? That means the same thing? Whatever. Anyway, when applicable, I’m capitalizing certain parts of the headlines because what is the point of using a pun if it’s not obnoxiously capitalized? That’s like eating a steak and not smearing the delicious blood under your eyes as a sign of man’s contempt for the cow.
Rubber band ball builder SNAPS up record. Okay yeah the pun sucks, but the absurdity of this story as a whole makes this an absolute delight.
Milton, 26, of Eugene, Oregon, watched as four bodybuilders rolled the multicolored, rubbery mass — 5½ feet high and 19 feet around — onto a giant scale in downtown Chicago for the official weigh-in.
He raised his arms over his head in Rockyesque style when Guinness judge Sarah Wagner announced his ball had bounced the previous 3,120-pound record-holder from the books. That record was set by John Bain of Wilmington, Delaware, in 2003.
“It’s just amazing; it’s out of this world,” said Milton, who began building the ball in November 2005.
Bain didn’t begrudge Milton the honor.
“Steve can have the record … he worked hard for it,” Bain said in an e-mail to The Associated Press. “I had my glory days with the rubber band ball.”
Glory days indeed. Hot muscular men pushing your oversized rubber-band ball around. World records. Private jets. Who can beat the glory and acclaim of the creator of the world’s largest rubber-band ball?
A tough nut case TO CRACK is solved. Haha because nuts can be cracked. Also somehow these two schmucks stole 400-thousand dollars worth of almonds. I think that, using almond to American dollars conversions, that’s approximately one shitload of almonds.
Whoa there, partner, Nevada senators are just friends. This is just stupid. Who even asked if they were gay? Was he giving his comments with the other Senator’s cock in his mouth and felt as though he had to rationalize that? It seems like he’s a bit defensive. Let’s leave that one beautiful night Senators Reid and Ensign shared in a bubbly D.C. jacuzzi in the past and get on with politicking!
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