Nov.06.2006 A new way of saying “That girl is unattractive”

I remember when the movie “Clueless” came out. I was 10 I think. Maybe 14. Possibly 2. Okay I don’t really remember when it was. But anyway, in the movie, Alicia Silverstone refers to a girl who’s decent looking from far away as a “Monet”…she’s good from far but far from good. That term was great but just because something was great in 1994 doesn’t mean it should be used now. I mean I look awesome doing the Macarena but how often do I bust it out on the dancefloor? Granted, I do it weekly, but that’s me.

So now, to make a manlier reference out of the ancestor that is “Monet,” I will make a new term for a girl that looks attractive from far, then starts to look like a melting corpse when she gets close. That term is now…

drumroll…

A “false start.”

Think about it. Not only can you now make a football reference while objectifying women (best of both worlds baby), but it opens up all kinds of options: girl looks bad from far but good up close is a “delay of game”; cock-blocked? looks like “pass interference!”; girl cramping your space too much sounds like an “encroachment”; jerking off another man is “illegal use of hands” (and also only a 5 yard penalty *wink).

So whether or not you like using phrases that conjure up images of large, sweaty men when talking about a soft and supple lady (because really, what’s more heterosexual than that??!), at least use “false start.” You’re in on the ground-level of the next great cultural phenomenon in treating women (or I suppose girls could use it too for men, if they felt so inclined) as objects. You may thank me in hugs.

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