Dec.28.2007 Your December 28 Update

Hopefully you’re getting off early today to prepare for the stupor that New Year’s Eve will no doubt be putting us all in (I’m preparing the bottles of liquid nitrogen to consume right now). So here’s an early update for you on all the news, BS, and Chris Experience that you need to know.

So my Xbox 360 broke, kind of randomly. It showed the dreaded “thee red rings”. I use my Xbox for many uses…gaming, media playing…love. So it’s a real heartbreaking loss to me. o say a prayer for the lil fellow. Thought you (OR SOMEONE OUT THERE AT XBOX HINT HINT) might want to know.Jennifer Aniston is not pregnant. Thank God because I was sooooo worried. Fortunately, her womb is as barren as the plains of the Serengeti.

Patrick Ewing is a big fan of the word “talent”. He also still looks like a monkey.

15 year-old Miley Cyrus and her 15 year-old boyfriend Nick Jonas of the Jonas Brothers have broken up. Kids grow up so fast these days. Early reports have Miley Cyrus getting custody of the hundreds of aborted fetuses.

Benazir Bhutto was killed. She led the opposition party in Pakistan. Which was amazing to me, because she has ovaries. I thought that having ovaries were a specific way to not get any sort of power in any culture with a Muslim presence. You learn something new each day.

Hello Kitty is launching a new line of products geared towards boys. The products are primarily black and white with that same gay kitty on the front. I’m not sure that the marketing folks there quite understand the male objection to Hello Kitty.

MOMSENWATCH!

She’s still 14. And she probably got a diary with a lock on it for Christmas.Alabama coach Nick Saban has some ill dance moves. He’s like an…well…approximately the same age as current John Travolta.

A judge in Louisiana has postponed a trial date since it conflicts with LSU’s Bowl Championship game against Ohio State. God I f*cking hate LSU fans. You’re all such jackasses. Every single one of you. I seriously hope that anyone who’s ever cheered on the team or used the word “Geuax” in the place Go get inflicted an extremely painful case of colon cancer. I have nothing funny to add, merely wanted to state my position on the matter.

Happy New Year’s everyone…enjoy drinking like a Louisianan. I’ll catch you guys on Wednesday, most likely.

Smooches,
Chris
Your Paragon of Virtue

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