Like what activity can’t be made 20 times more hilarious with a midget doing it? Walking? Tremendous. Jumping? Fantastic. Kickboxing? Might just be a sensory overload.

Look at that lil fella go. Far be it from me to mock those less fortunate than myself (the midgets in particular are less fortunate, seeing how I have long and vibrant dancer’s legs), but look at these two-foot tall titans go. I’d be lying if I said that I wasn’t marginally impressed with how the little one…uh…littler one dominates the bigger, kind of burly midget. That other midget looks like he’s been working out. Probably bench pressing Barbie dolls and doing curls with bananas while wearing a baby bonnet and diaper.

Sometimes I wish I had midget friends so that I could go around with them to various public places, have them tie me up and yell things like, “YOU IN THE WRONG PART OF TOWN GULLIVER” while beating me with small whips. A man can dream.

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