Nov.07.2007 Good news fatties!
No no, it’s not about the Enormous Omelette sandwich from Burger King. Relax. Turns out, your fatness might not be getting you laid, but it might be making you healthy. So sayeth the New York Times.
Linking, for the first time, causes of death to specific weights, [the American Medical Association reports] that overweight people have a lower death rate because they are much less likely to die from a grab bag of diseases that includes Alzheimer’s and Parkinson’s, infections and lung disease. And that lower risk is not counteracted by increased risks of dying from any other disease, including cancer, diabetes or heart disease.
As a consequence, the group from the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention and the National Cancer Institute reports, there were more than 100,000 fewer deaths among the overweight in 2004, the most recent year for which data were available, than would have expected if those people had been of normal weight.
“I believe the data,” said Dr. Elizabeth Barrett-Connor, a professor of family and preventive medicine at the University of California, San Diego. A body mass index of 25 to 30, the so-called overweight range, “may be optimal,” she said.
I’m not sure I understand. So yes, my svelte physique might make me less inclined to die of heart disease, but it make me more inclined to start shaking like a paint mixer to the tunes of Parkinson’s or forgetting to wear pants (more than usual) with Alzheimer’s? That kind of sucks.
The article doesn’t yet know what the correlation might be between being a big tubby mess and dying less (tee hee, rhymes!). I would speculate it’s the lack of stress that comes with being a fat person. People pay less attention to you, often ignoring you really, perhaps because of your fat person smell. And you don’t have to worry about dying during sex because you probably can’t physically perform the act. Also, if you’re a woman, Black men’s sperm is known to prevent ovarian cancer, so their love of your large ass is saving you all kinds of problems there.
Pictured above is the new world’s fattest baby. Welcome to a life of health, friend!
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