Nov.26.2007 Finally a pageant you can get behind
Yes, I know, the second pageant-related post of the day. But come on, how can I not cover Miss Navajo?! It’d be sacrilege!
On the nation’s largest Indian reservation, where tradition reigns, contestants are required to speak their native language, make fry bread and butcher a sheep, the animal that represents life to the Navajos.
“The pageant really gets people’s interest because they say, ‘Oh my gosh, a pageant where you butcher sheep,’” said Billy Luther, a documentary film maker. “But I think people walk away learning the Navajo way of life and how much the Navajo people respect women.”
Now only one queen is named, and the contest is open to any Navajo woman age 18 to 25 who is single and meets other contest requirements, such as having a high school diploma or GED and no children.
“I think what’s scaring a lot of these contestants is the sheep-butchering part of it, also the (speaking) Navajo,” [a former pageant winner] said.
For the record, the picture above is of a Disney Pocahontas, not an actual Navajo woman. If you want to see an actual Navajo woman, you should look at the sexy 2005 pageant winner. Now you can see why I opted for the picture of the big furry raccoon looking at the breasts of the nubile Disney character.
I think your first instinct, if you’re like me and like hurting people, would be to say that this competition is one of the dumbest things to ever be created in the history of anything. But if you really think about it, this is the best way to determine a worthwhile woman. Because frankly, if you can’t slaughter a sheep and speak fluent Navajo, what use do I have for you as a Navajo woman?
I’m going to start my own beauty pageant where women have to also do things beyond look pretty and sing a song. I’ll have them doing things that are really important to me, like blowing bananas, playing guitar, murdering undesirables on my behalf, and dancing around in slutty outfits. Also giving me money. Like, both in terms of speed and volume. I can’t think of anything else I could ask for in a woman. And as a result, the winner would get my hand in marriage. The losers would get $20 gift cards to Dave and Busters and a lavender t-shirt from a 2004 Cancer Walk (pro-cancer, not anti-cancer). Typically, I run the best pageants.
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