Nov.23.2006 Macy’s Thanskgiving Day Parade kind of sucks hard
Before heading out for today’s Thanksgiving festivities (which include, but are not limited to, eating turkey, eating more turkey, digesting turkey, rubbing turkey all over myself and then allowing neighborhood animals to lick me, and so forth), I decided to take a glance over at Macy’s Thanksgiving Day Parade on NBC.
I should preface my remarks with saying that I never really understood the charm of the parade. It’s just always been there on Thanksgiving. Not important or interesting to me in any way, even as a child, but it’s just there. I never understood how someone decided that a great way to begin Thanksgiving was to feature oversized versions of favorite fictional characters that look like they’re about to completely destroy New York City. It has all the charm of the Puerto Rican Day Parade, except with the Cat in the Hat crashing into a lightpole, killing dozens, replacing wilding and forcible sodomy from Juan Carlos Diaz, the neighborhood rapist.
I turned on the NBC telecast and was greeted by Matt Lauer, obviously reading straight from a script, talking about how Spongebob was here on a vacation from Bikini Bottom. But don’t worry, because he was keeping in contact with his friend Patrick the Starfish on his SHELL PHONE. Get it? Because they live underwater, it’s not a cell phone, but a shell phone! I don’t quite get how a guy who works in a fast food restaurant is able to afford the technology that would be required to turn a shell into a mobile phone device, but that’s neither here nor there.
Next up was the “Hershey’s Delicious Sweetness Factory,” which wasn’t even a big float. Rather, it was a fake conveyor belt filled with Hershey’s products such as Kisses and Peanut Butter Cups. Al Roker extolled the values of deliciousness. And with that, I gave up on this product placement-filled jaunt into soiling the minds of children with blatant consumerism.
And with that, a Happy Thanksgiving to all of you. The Blog of Hilarity is planning on taking some extra time off to bask in the glow of the holidays so come back here tomorrow and check out our amazingly fantastic first month back as you finally come down from your tryptophan-induced high and lavish views upon this glorious site of ours.
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