Nov.13.2006 “John Tucker Must Die” is kind of hot but not

I’m not going to pretend to have seen this movie. And that’s not from a place of contempt for the film, but rather because I just never felt overly compelled to see it. But the trailer definitely came off well to me. Maybe not as a particularly great film, but more as something that’s unbearably hot. Four attractive girls who plot and plan to get back at John because he was canoodling (apparently I’m now a celebrity gossip columnist) with these other girls and making them all believe they were special. Now that’s sexy. Nothing quite as hot as a bunch of girls so in a froth about you that they want to kill you.

Aside, the picture above is kind of odd. Ashanti’s going by “Ashanti Douglas” now? That last name really doesn’t live up to the hype of her first name. It should be Ashanti Okwuebu or perhaps Ashanti DiVilla M’Negue or something. Not just Douglas.

But I digress. I got to thinking about the John Tucker movie and its real life comparisons a bit more. I mean, in the movies, it’s great. Like they “make out” and whatever and he probably learns a lesson at the end. But in real life? I don’t know.

I mean yeah, in real life, he’d clearly be sleeping with them all rather than just giving them a good canoodle. He would do horrible, messy things to their hair, faces, ear canals, and calves (as least, this is what I usually do). At the same time though, they probably wouldn’t just be plotting wacky schemes against him. They’d probably be pregnant. In which case the film title would be “John Tucker Must Go to a Very Far Away College and Change His Cell Phone Number.” Or it’d be “John Tucker Must Give a Swift Kick to the Abdomen.”

Either way, that’s why movies stay on the screen. It’s never quite as nice in real life as what it is in your imagination.

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