Aug.20.2008 Note to self: 14 is not the new 18
Ladies and gentlemen, you owe it to yourselves to read this one…allow me to introduce you to Dirty Old Ira.
A 56-year-old New York Police Department dispatcher, who went by “Dirty old Ira” in Internet chat rooms, thought he was going to meet a 14-year-old girl at the Deptford Mall for a sexual tryst.
Ira Shimshi of Queens, NY was actually chatting with an undercover FBI agent, and was arrested Friday on charges which could send him to prison for life.
The arrest culminated a 10-month investigation that comprised of many sexually-explicit online chats, including one where he allegedly told the undercover officer that “14’s the new 18.”
Going to prison for life seems a bit much for a guy chatting online when rapists and convicted pedophiles who, you know, actually did things, can get paroled. Really though, if you’re a guy approaching 60, do you really think that some nubile 14 year old is going to be all like “YEAAHHHHH LET ME SEE THOSE TAFFY-ESQUE BALLS”? I guess I can kind of understand having a daddy fetish, but this is like having a grandfather fetish. Or a near-corpse fetish. And frankly, I’m not sure 14 year-old girls are capable of such mental deficiencies, no matter how much I want to believe.
I think you should probably knock two years off his sentence though for a humorous line like the “14 is the new 18″ one though. Any crime with a humorous little catchphrase should get some time off. Like technically all of Arnold Schwarzenegger’s characters committed a lot of murder, but he threw out some pun-filled quips so it was all okay. Life is funny like that sometimes.
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