Aug.27.2008 Hot Dogs probably not cancerous, still delicious
A new ad from something called The Cancer Project (do they want you to get cancer or not? WHAT ARE YOU AFTER, CANCER PROJECT?) caused a stir this week about hot dogs causing cancer, but it’s okay, hot dogs probably won’t kill you.
A new TV commercial shows kids eating hot dogs in a school cafeteria and one little boy’s haunting lament: “I was dumbfounded when the doctor told me I have late-stage colon cancer.”
It’s a startling revelation in an ad that vilifies one of America’s most beloved, if maligned, foods, while stoking fears about a dreaded disease.
But the boy doesn’t have cancer. Neither do two other kids in the ad who claim to be afflicted.
“My concern about this campaign is it’s giving the indication that the occasional hot dog in the school lunch is going to increase cancer risk,” said Colleen Doyle, the American Cancer Society’s nutrition director. “An occasional hot dog isn’t going to increase that risk.”
The hot dog council called the new ad an alarmist scare tactic…
Whoa hold on…there’s a Hot Dog Council! That’s amazing! Here I was, thinking hot dogs had no one to protect them for their portrayal as a villain in misleading media like the ad above or the video game Burgertime (I want to punch all the hot dogs in the face for how they’d attempt to sabotage my burgers), but thank God for the Hot Dog Council, who provides amazing hot dog stats like this:
During Hot Dog Season, Memorial Day to Labor Day, Americans typically consume 7 billion hot dogs or 818 hot dogs consumed every second during that period.
In 2007, consumers spent more than $4.1 billion on hot dogs and sausages in U.S. supermarkets, that equals more than 1.5 billion pounds of hot dogs and sausages bought at retail stores alone.
See? Hot dogs are keeping us from total economic ruin! The Cancer Project wants to take your hot dogs away. They want to stop us from having roads across the country made entirely of hot dogs…talk about progress! Are the folks at The Cancer Project anti-American communists? Probably. Are hot dogs delicious? Absolutely!
Side note: While doing research on hot dogs, I saw this AWESOME dramatic recreation of Burgertime. Burgertime is a f’d up place dude. [Source]
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