Things you should know to make friends and influence people. Mostly people who are easily impressed by worthless knowledge.

–Farmers are rejoicing because Fire Ants have been inflicted with a mysterious disease that could kill them all off. In a related story, Magic Johnson has lived with the same disease for 15 years and somehow gotten fatter.

–You can be like the NYPD and learn how to give your dog CPR if you’re in NYC. Now your breath can smell like crotch for a whole new reason!

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–Some independent arthouse movie about a spider coming to grips with being a man did pretty well. I think it’s a sequel to Arachnophobia or something.

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