Feb.14.2008 I know you want my thoughts on Valentine’s Day

Valentine’s Day is charming. It’s a delightful boost to the swooning economy, particularly the shitty chocolate candy and “stuffed animal holding a heart” economy. And the people that rebel against it tend to be the social miscreants, right? I mean, come on, what attractive girl is alone on Valentine’s Day if she can avoid it?

But then there’s the flip side. Let’s say you’re a handsome blogger who has money, nice clothes, and a great odor. You’ve gone out with a lot of girls in recent months and none of them have struck your fancy. Well, maybe one or two have, but they didn’t work out because you kind of suck at life.

So it’s Valentine’s Day. Society says that if you’re not doing something, you totally have issues. While some days that might cause me to hit the ol’ drug pipe with more regularity, I’m a man that’s very conscious of my place in society. And I will not NOT have plans on Valentine’s Day.

So you get roped into doing something you don’t want to do. Why? Because it’s Valentine’s Day. This entirely false, entirely commercially-driven faux holiday has guilted you into spending an evening with someone you don’t want to be with in any way. In fact, let’s take it one step further. You’re spending an evening with someone whom you’ve been with before, who wants to be with you, and you know you’re sending the wrong message by agreeing to see them like this.

What do you do? What do you do?

You go out with her. Maybe pretend you’re having a good time. But you’re not. You’re not where you want to be. You’re not with whom you want to be. All because societal pressure and the VDay aisle at Duane Reade and the big heart-shaped box of chocolates on the outside of Sephora and the guys in the trenchcoats with roses and the girls at your office and the commercials on the television say that you have to do SOMETHING.

But that SOMETHING is what you hate.

The greatest irony of all. I’ve never spent a Valentine’s Day with the one I wanted to. Never cared enough about anyone to make their Valentine’s Day a special one (even in the relationships I’ve been in…I never really cared enough about that person to go out of my way to make that work). All my Valentine’s Days have been about pretending superficially that everything’s great. It rarely is.

It just is.

That’s what the day means to me. That and giving girls chocolate. Yeah, you’re not fat enough already sunshine. Eat some of this too. Ugh.

[Image stolen from the hilarious Valentine's Day card compilation over at Cracked]